I write so often about my 93-year-old mom that regular readers could easily suspect that I was raised by a single mother. I wasn’t. My parents celebrated their 62nd wedding anniversary shortly before my dad passed away in 2006.
I had a bit of a hunt through the blog vault and was happy to see that I have written about him before. Phewf. I actually wrote about my father in the Nobody Is Good Enough For My Girl post which chats about his alarming treatment of former boyfriends and how my late future husband won him over. And there was also that post about the time I rolled our Volkswagen beetle when he was teaching me to drive.
Dad was a man who was full of advice. Always offering it, especially when he was tired.
To get the full impact of his advice it’s important to note that he was raised in Canada by an English father and a Scottish mother. My grandfather taught English at a local boy’s school and my grandmother managed everything else. I suspect my dad soaked up many of his favourite sayings that he passed on to my two siblings and me in the form of advice from them. As you read through the list I suggest you do so with an English accent in mind. Just as a good roast beef should always be served with gravy and yorkshire pudding, these dad sayings should be consumed with a dash of the Brit.
Dad Sayings
1) Always Play The Clean Potato
Thought I’d start off with one of the most novel ones. It translates loosely to “always walk the straight and narrow.” While I think his father usually said it with regards to the way a gentleman should treat a lady, Dad broadened the notion to one of act responsibly and treat people with respect. I like it. Not only is the message great but it throws people for a loop whenever I say it.
2) Don’t Rise to Every Fly
This is another of my particular favourites. I like to think of it in terms of fly-fishing and the concept of fish not leaping to every fly bobbling about on the surface. In Dad-speak it refers to the need to not react to every little thing in life. Let some things pass, choose your battles etc. I have to say I struggle at times with this one. Especially at 4:00 AM when I’m wide awake and focussing on minutiae. However, my darling mischievous children can thank their Grandad for their mother’s sometimes calm reaction to their frequent shenanigans.
3) Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc
Excuse me? Not heard of this one either? No worries. It’s Latin. It means literally “after this, therefore because of this.” He was insistent that we understand it was important to carefully consider the cause of something. He didn’t want us to take something at face value. Confused? Have a look at this example I found on Wikipedia.
“The rooster crows immediately before sunrise, therefore the rooster causes the sun to rise.”
Clearer now? Think of it as just because something happened it doesn’t mean it happened for the reason you think it did.
4) Watch Your Non Sequiturs
Again with the Latin. Non sequiturs means “It does not follow” In this instance Dad was advising us to respond in context. He had very little patience for us bringing up random silly talk at times of serious contemplation. Between you and me I think he was having fun spreading around the Latin.
5) Always Carry It Yourself
Dad had no qualms about getting his two daughters to do physical work; his bribery techniques worked rather well. I fondly remember getting a nickel for every large branch I carried up from the beach for our cabin’s outside fireplace. Should I ever complain about the weight, he’d bark “Nonsense. You can carry anything.” It never occurred to me to doubt him.
I have to say I am grateful for this advice for it has enabled me to create some special hilarious memories. Moving apartments with just my girlfriend, helping the delivery guy bring in sheets of melamine for our cabinets (he was threatening to leave when he learned my husband wasn’t home), and carting the ancient tv and other heavy objects to the garage sale all by myself.
6) Ignore The Symptoms, Study The Behaviour
During the more than five decades as a much beloved pediatrician he passed this gem on to many worried mothers and fathers and it’s probably the advice that I’ve leaned on the most since becoming a mom myself.
How is it helpful? When presented with a dreadfully sick looking child consider how they are acting. For example, my son had an allergic reaction to red dye at preschool one Valentine’s Day. My initial reaction to his lumpy, blotchy face was to call my dad. Immediately. But as my son leapt into the car in full volume (No airway constriction. Tick) and delightedly revealed he’d had 47 red jujubes, 82 cinnamon red hots and 34 pieces of red licorice, I heard Dad’s advice floating in my head. “Ignore the symptoms, study the behaviour.” I did. My balloon boy was fine. He just looked awful. So I treated it with a teaspoon or two of Benadryl and the world was soon back to normal.
I continue to use this advice some 15 years later. A few months back I got a call from my now at college son. He told me he had broken out in hives and was asking for advice. A quick facetime proved his point; no airway issues thankfully. The culprit was probably a dreadful sugary red candy overdose. While it’s not fun diagnosing things 3000 miles away I did remain calm and simply prescribed our friendly companion Benadryl. It worked.
Thanks Dad. I like to think that you are aware of how helpful all of this advice continues to be. Rest assured your grandchildren are finely tuned into the art of playing the clean potato, not rising to every fly and they avoid non sequiturs a great deal of the time.
Enough about me and my dad’s advice. I’m curious about you. What’s the best advice your dad ever gave you? Bet it wasn’t a non sequitur. If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
76 Responses
Ok I have to say that your dad’s advice is the most uniquely awesome I’ve seen yet. I love that what he said, though a lot of the time it was in Latin, is so true! Interesting that he was a pediatrician too. 🙂 I so can’t wait to hear the advice my hubby gives to our kids after reading this!
Why thank you for your kind words Brittnei. Dad was special. Share some of your husband’s advice to your kids sometime. I’d love to read it!
Your Dad’s wirds of wisdom are BRILLIANT , simply BRILLIANT. His ignore the symptoms , study the behaviour will now be a household norm. Something like that will be shared for future years and “grand” parental wisdom!! Thanks for sharing Kelly! Would have loved to have met your Dad.
Thanks Janice. You made me smile. He would be so happy to know that his advice was still shareworthy. May I point out that your daughters are delightful and most certainly all of them play the clean potato…
Your Dad sounds like a gem, and I wish I had met him ! Such unique advice !
He was a gem Jane. And he would have adored you. Like you he was a wonderful listener.
LOVE the awesomeness of your dad’s advice, very out of the box but just as vital and needed.
Thanks Karen. Smiling at the “very out of the box…” So true.
Every piece of your dad’s advice is wonderful, Kelly! Thank you for sharing these gems. But what I love the most is your suggestion to read them in an English accent! My dad has a lot of sayings in Afrikaans (altho he is an English-speaker) and I apply the same “accent principle” when I say them to myself :).
Hahaha! Love that you got the English accent suggestion Nicki. How wonderfurl that your dad shares Afrikaans sayings with you! Bet you’ll never forget them.
I need to be folksier as a dad. My dad had one thing he’d tell me, but it’s probably not for mixed company. For me, I need to come up with something. Fast. The one that I think of that I tell my girls? “Sometimes mean and funny go hand-in-hand.”
I need a little English-dad schooling, apparently. He rocked it.
Grinning over here Eli trying to figure out the spicy advice he gave you. I’ve never heard the “sometimes mean and funny go hand-in-hand” and I think it’s splendid advice. Oh but your girls will have plenty of choice dad sayings I’m thinking. Just wait.
The symptom/behavior one reminded me of the saying, “When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.” It’s not the same, but it’s good advice anyway. And I tried to say these out loud with an English accent. Seriously. I made myself laugh.
Oh this is also a splendid bit of advice – “when you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.” I’m adopting it. Thank you so much for sharing. And for attempting to read in an English accent! My dad would be grinning.
Kelly, your dad was seriously amazing and so was his advice. The symptoms and how they are acting definitely was used in our house this week with a very sick, Emma. My mom’s intuition told me more was wrong then what the doctor’s were telling by seeing how she was acting and feeling on the whole. So, yes your dad was a man clearly wise beyond his years. Thank you for sharing with us!! 🙂
Thank you for stopping by and reading. I’ve seen your comments on other recent posts Janine about Emma being ill. I am so sorry. She must have been really sick. I do hope she is feeling better now. Sounds like you’ve both been through the ringer. Hope the doctors are now listening to mom. That’s key.
I love that the wisdom of your father (and grandparents) lives on in meaningful ways through you and your children (and their children.) I wonder which unexpected phrase your kids would say that you’ve imbedded in their psyche… hmmm. Wonderful post!
As for my Dad, he wasn’t much for handing out advice. But he did model a certain way of moving through this world: 1.) talk to everyone, even the gas pump guy or the homeless man or the young woman in the bikini, because they all have a story to offer, 2.) there’s no situation in life that can’t suitably be described with the word shit, as in “shit’s up” (his last words), “what is this shit?” (about all 80’s and 90’s music) or just plain “shit” 3.) be sentimental about everything, because it reminds you to treasure every Christmas, every birthday, every hug, all your children, and your friends.
I too wonder about my children’s imbedded unexpected phrases!
You know, your dad and mine would have gotten along rather well. Mine also taught me to talk to everyone. I remember waiting out in the car for him to come out of his office. Finally frustrated beyond frustrated I stormed into the building and found him engaged in conversation with one of the hospital cleaners. They were having a grand old chat. He’d forgotten all about me. And on the shit’s up front! Ha! This made me laugh. Yep he could so relate to that! When he felt ill at ease he’d let loose quite the blue streak. As for sentiment – I love that your dad taught you that. Mine was deeply shy and shared his love through his actions rather than his words.
I love your dad’s advice sayings… They are deep and profound and reek of literary devices.And I totally agree with the last one. I noticed that with my kids. It doesn’t matter the symptoms. There were times there were no symptoms, but the behavior clued me into something like a UTI. I used to have a symptom base concept behind whether or not my kid could go to school, and now I base it more on behavior. It’s simple really. “Do you feel sick?” No. Ok, then forget the fever. Here’s some Tylenol. Go. But then there’s, “I’m sick” and there’s no real symptoms. So I take them to the doctor anyway just for the excuse note.
Isn’t that the truth Michelle? Gotta watch that behaviour. Good on your for fine tuning your Momma radar.
No wonder you couldn’t pick just one piece of advice. Your dad was spot on with ALL of these—even the Latin! (I was one of those types that took 6 years of Latin so I am always excited when it pops up!) Ignore the symptoms study the behavior..oh, I love it! I remember fielding late night calls from patients about things. When someone was able to talk in long sentences in great length and detail about how they were sick and having trouble breathing, I knew we were okay. When they themselves couldn’t talk on the phone and the spouse had to make the call…yep, call the ambulance! —Lisa
Six years of Latin? I only had one year. Porto, portas, portat, portamus … Bless you Lisa. You could do a full on church service in Latin I’m sure. Let me start you off “In nomine Patris …” Wow.
But seriously you’re so right about those late night calls. I’ve been the spouse who had to make one of those and it was wonderful to have a doc on the other end understand the seriousness immediately.
Blessings, Kel. It brought dad back to life. I think we were all left with these sayings buried in our subconscious. Also his, “Dopn’t sweat the small things.” And “Take your intended to the beach, then you will discover if he has a wooden leg.” Accompanied with hearty chuckles. Love it! Mom.
Yes – it’s funny Mom. I was walking Poppy this morning and the “don’t sweat the small things” popped into my head. Not quite at 9:44 but a weesny bit later. And you make me chortle with the “take your intended to the beach …” How could I forget that one? I remember my Grandad saying that and using the word “bathing costume.” Thanks so much for these Mom. Made my day.
Kelly, I love all of these (and the one your mom added about taking your intended to the beach–that is hilarious!). “Always carry it yourself” really struck a chord with me, as it’s really “you can do anything,” and you have clearly taken that to heart. All excellent advice, and I’m going to try several of these with my kids (and myself!). And 62 years of marriage for your parents! Hurray for them!
I’d forgotten the one about taking your intended to the beach, Donna. So funny. I can recall my Grandad saying that and using the word “bathing costume.” Oh man different times, ‘eh? I am delighted that you are going to try a couple of my dad sayings out on your kids – and you. Hope they come in handy. And yes, I know 62 years!Their wedding was a hoot as my mom had flown east to live with my dad and her mother insisted she marry within 24 hours of arrival. She didn’t know her maid of honor and the best man forgot the camera. No photos exist. Perhaps this simple wedding of about six in attendance was a good omen after all!
Kelly, your dad sounds wise and fun and I love his advice! That he mixed it up with Latin is just awesome. Ignoring the symptoms and looking for the behavior is really smart – especially when it comes to allergic reactions.
Thanks Kristi. Yes, that advice has stood the test of time in so many situations. I remember that time my lad fell out of the tree in the one second I wasn’t watching him …but don’t get me started. I’ll be giving examples all night.
Your dad sounds like such a fun guy and great advice giver!!!
Several of those are new to me – shockingly enough.
I love the idea of not rising to every fly – something I definitely need to work on.
#5 is my favorite – that one I’m all about and always have been – it annoys me when someone assumes I can’t carry something because I’m a girl!!!
Me too Kim. #5 – carry it yourself – is one of my faves. Excuse me? I can do it thank you! I am not surprised that many of his sayings are new to you. Barely anyone outside the extended family has either! Post hoc ergo what?
Your dad is full of wisdom. I love the Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc… I don’t if I can possibly remember it, but it has a great sound to it. Glad you explained the meaning, too 🙂
So funny – I had to google the Post Hoc one and found out to my horror that I’d been saying it wrong all these years! I thought it was Post Hoc Ergo ProCter Hoc. Oops. How surprising that not one of my friends pointed out my mistake …
Oh what fabulous advice Kelly – I’m sitting here grinning with each adage. And I swear I’m going to find a way to slip in “always play the clean potato” into conversations every chance I get. That is if I can stop laughing and snorting.
Bless you Deborah you’ve got me laughing here! Do spread the Clean Potato around. My late grandfather would be ever so proud. He was always spouting it!
Ooh, some good advice in here! Though I personally find non sequiturs amusing. 😉 And #2 is a great one… one i struggle with. He sounds like quite a guy!
He was quite a guy Stephanie. And yes, I too struggle with the not rising to every fly as well. Perhaps if we focussed on playing the clean potato things would come easier? Nah. Not a hope.
boy! i am glad you translated it, cause honestly I was going the other way with those precious advises from your dad 🙂
They are worthwhile, and still hold true with the times, Kelly!
You were going the other way with the advice? So funny. Yes, it is a good thing I translated them then. Thanks for the smile Ruchira!
Kelly – I really enjoyed this post. Fortunately, my dad is still with me (as he continues to be one of my most valued mentors and friend). While he’s had so many wonderful wisdoms, “don’t sweat the small stuff” (as your mom alludes to – he didn’t invent this – do you recall who wrote the book with this title? – maybe he stole the idea from your Dad ;-)) is one that has stuck with me for most of my life. Curiously, I’ve forgotten this of late. Thanks for reminding me to better heed this smart advice.
Had to google the author – Richard Carlson – and I do remember that book. Nope – Dad probably got the idea from him! I never read it though. Did you?
Thanks for the Google search, Kelly. I should have done that ;-). I had it somewhere (in one of my three moves in the last less than year and a half after I sold my farm of 20 years – talk about letting go of possessions), but am not sure if I have it with me now in storage or my temporary apartment. I’ll look for it. Probably read it once but don’t remember what it said. If I find it, I’ll read it then send it to you.
How very kind Nanette. Thank you. And three moves in less than a year and a half? Whoa. You must be feeling a lot lighter in terms of possessions.
I particularly like the one about the potato and then the one about the fly. Intend to look for an opportunity to use them soon. My dad had two that he used regularly: “If the good lord’s willin’ and the crik don’t rise,” meaning we would be doing whatever he said provided nothing short of the apocalypse happened, and my favorite as he sent me off to bed at night: Don’t let the bed bugs bite! Looking at those two, I think his upbringing on a subsistence farm in rural southern Illinois is all too apparent. 🙂
Oh Linda – I do thank you for sharing your dad’s sayings. You made me grin with the last sentence. I am particularily fond of the “crik” reference. We’ve had lovely sunny and chilly weather here the last couple of days which is a good thing. The previous heavy rains caused major flooding in the criks and rivers on the North Shore. It was a mess. The good lord must be willin’ all that away.
As always, Kelly, I enjoyed your post and also that fact that your Mom is a reader and commenter of your blog. It’s interesting that your Dad used to quote Latin; perhaps because of his religious upbringing or because of his medical training. It seems that earlier generations were much more learned when it came to learning classical languages — and dispensing advice to their kids in those languages!
I had one year of Latin, Anna, when I was in grade 9 and have to say I wasn’t terribly fond of it. Of course it didn’t help that I was conjuring only battle verbs. Conquer, booty, plunder… Quite something.
What great nuggets of wisdom. My dad was also raised in Canada by Scottish immigrants, so I know my Yorkshire pudding!
My dad was a news photographer and loved to tell stories, so he often trotted out “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” He also used to allude to the time he was in the elevator at work, complaining about a long shift. A man who turned out to be the head editor interrupted him with “You asked for work when you came here!” He was both chastened and amused. Another story that became a rallying cry was that in the early days of local TV news, one local reporter stuck so faithfully to the teleprompter that he ended his broadcast with “Keep smiling until the red light goes out.” My dad always used that as a “Keep your chin up” expression.
Just read your post about your wonderful dad Wendy. He sounds like such a character and I suspect he and my dad would have gotten along famously.”Never let the truth get in the way of a good story”? Classic. And oh man the “keep smiling until the red light goes out” is a true gem. I’m going to adopt it if I may. Thank you so much for sharing these delights.
I’ve started telling my daughter, “You can carry it! You can carry anything!” What an empowering message.
Wendy, you made my day!
What a dear sweet tribute to your dad. I have never heard most of those and they are quite useful. I have opened your other article about your dad too. Your articles about your mom are always a hoot, so it is fun to hear about your dad too. Cute.
Thanks Amy. And thanks for reading the other stuff too. I have to say that life was never dull at our house …
Kelly, thanks for sharing your Dads words of wisdom. He sounds like he was quite a character. I love the one about the clean potato, that’s a classic and one I’ve never heard before.
Oh you’re not alone Nancy. I think that there are probably only seven people in all of BC who have heard about playing the clean potato … and they are all in my family. I’m glad to spread it around!
You dad’s sayings totally crack me up! But Kelly I love number six and wish I’d been given that advice as a young mother.
It is wonderful advice isn’t it Allie? While I relied on it a lot when my two were little I’m still relying on it now!
These are such great nuggets Kelly – thanks for sharing them! I need to work on “Don’t Rise to Every Fly.” That one’s perfect for moms of youngish kids. Gotta work on my British accent 🙂
Perhaps you could watch Bridget Jones Diary for an accent lesson or two? She’s brilliant. I also fall short a great deal of the time with the “Don’t Rise to Every Fly” concept. However, I’m sure Dad would be thrilled that I had something to work on. Always good to keep busy!
I love this on so many levels! The Latin, the common sense, the helpfulness. My dad’s best advice is summed up in this post I wrote at Father’s Day:
http://experiencedbadmom.com/five-life-lessons-i-learned-from-my-dad/
No Latin from my dad, but he did like to whip out the only German he remembered from German classes in high school. He constantly recited a German poem about a cow giving us milk and butter. Thanks, Dad!
Oh this concept of him reciting in German that poem of the cow giving milk and butter makes me grin Katy. Heading over now to check out his five life lessons. Thank you for including it here!
All of your Dad’s sayings are new to me! Now I can pass some on to the grandkids when they’re older. I sure do like how certain phrases remind us of loved ones. My dad used to say, “Don’t put two quarts in a one quart bottle.” (He’d say it if I was trying to do too much in too little time.) I’m still practicing it.
Oh now there’s one I haven’t heard before, Susan. It’s perfect. Thank you so much for sharing. How true that certain phrases remind us of loved ones. My Dad was a huge James Thurber fan and whenever I hear “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched” I think of both of them.
I have never fully understood the Post Hoc quote before your roster example. My thanks to you and your dad for that!
It’s my pleasure Mo. I do feel a bit of a fraudster being the person who says that though. It was pure Dad.
This was lovely Kelly. How many lives your father touched as a pediatrician. Really special. I saw this prompt and just could write on it. My dad passes away almost two years ago and sometimes I just don’t like to think to deep on it. I love this though. (and I loved my dad very much, too.)
Just “couldn’t” write. Good grief. Will I ever proof my comments before hitting “post.” 🙂
Hahaha! Glad I’m not the only one who sometimes pushes reply too early!
I understand completely. Two years is but a blink.
So many words of wisdom. So glad you managed to gather them all. So often these wise words are forgotten aren’t they. Thank you for sharing
Yes, Kama you’re right. We do tend to forget the wise words. I love how this post has got them bubbling back up for not only me but also members of my family.
I too read these outloud with an English accent – they were utterly delightful! and I have to say, the comments were just as delightful. One thing about reading your blog – it is always entertaining, if it doesnt’ make me laugh out loud – then it is another emotion altogether. And – the comments are worth reading each and every one!
Aw thank you Vickie. Comments such as this one of yours make my day! Thanks for popping by and having a read, and most importantly – commenting!
This could also be a metaphor for life, as well as literal advice: “Nonsense. You can carry anything.” I like it and am going to start saying it to my child when she doubts her strength and abilities. Thanks for sharing!
Hi, Renea. Thanks so much for reading and for leaving a comment. I hope your daughter absorbs that advice. It’s a treat to watch mine (now 21) dig right in and heft things about with nary a hesitation.
LOVED these! My dad also has been gone for a decade, and it’s still rough. He was full of sayings as well, but not as clean or witty as your father’s! 🙂
Golly – just saw your lovely comment. Thank you for popping by with it. I am sorry for your loss, Whitney. It is rough, isn’t it? I am grinning here over your comment that his sayings weren’t quite as clean … My dad had a few salty ones as well that I felt weren’t quite publishable!