Yay! I can finally share my book’s publication date and title! And on International Women’s Day, too.
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Never, Never, Hardly Ever, my book about how my type-A mother and I managed to survive working together for over a decade in her iconic Vancouver Asian antique shop, will be available on Amazon in both paperback and Amazon Kindle on Wednesday, March 20, 2024! Mark your calendars.
Never, Never, Hardly Ever
I’m sure you’ve got questions. I’ll do my best to answer the most pressing.
1. Why “Never, Never, Hardly Ever?”
Well, two reasons really. I never, ever, imagined I’d be working with Francine (Frankie’s family nickname) for longer than a few months. I reluctantly joined her for the summer of ’83 as a way to earn my tuition for a post grad year at college. Selling antiques wasn’t an aspiration. Despite growing up surrounded by them, I knew nothing about Asian antiques and cared for them even less. But the main reason behind the title, is that “Never, Never, Hardly Ever” was the official name of our unique payment plan. You could buy something and pay for it over time, with no interest. I know, right?
2. Why the leaping frog?
Mom’s shop was called Frankie Robinson Oriental Gallery (FROG). Our fondness for all-things-frog was reflected in everything from our inventory purchases to our personalized Christmas cards.
3. Can you give us a wee teaser?
Okay – there was one FROG inventory item I did like before I started working there.
He’s about the size of an egg. Isn’t he cute? Unable to pay for him in one go, I opted for the Never, Never, Hardly Ever payment plan and refused to bring him home until the final payment. So, I was horrified when Francine phoned with “some good news and some bad news.”
The good news? She’d made her first sale in her new location. The bad news? She’d sold my pig.
Her excuse?
“It’s gone to a mother who wanted it as a spirit booster for her hospitalized child. Of course, I had to sell it to her.”
Fast forward to when I joined FROG. After selling an antique Chinese celadon plate to a lovely woman, we were having a grand old chat when she suddenly uttered the unforgivable.
“You know, I was your mother’s first customer in this location.”
What?
I somehow managed to keep myself from snapping, “You stole my pig!” and ached to learn whether her child was indeed worthy. However, when she volunteered no further info, I kept quiet, all thanks to my recent cringeworthy error with another customer.
This woman was a difficult nut to crack. Hoping to kickstart some conversation, I breezily shared that her daughter had purchased an antique blue and white bride’s jar the day before. Well. You’d think I’d shared the intimate details of Princess Kate’s abdominal surgery. The woman positively lit into me.
“How much did she pay? Did she give you cash or did she pay a with credit card? Is it for her? Or for someone else?”
She beetled out, determined to get the answers from her daughter.
Thanks to that eye-opening inquisition and Francine’s understandable fury –“That’s the last time the daughter will ever buy from FROG, Kelly!” — asking about the pig, or its new owner was definitely off limits.
4. Did you ever learn the truth about the pig’s reception?
I did. Four years later from someone other than the woman who bought it.
Curious? Sorry, after five years of solid swatting on this manuscript, I’m reluctant to give the shop away. You’ll just have to acquire your own copy of Never, Never, Hardly Ever to learn the surprising twist concerning this porcine wonder. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.
5. You chose to continue on with FROG for a decade? Something clearly changed your attitude. What?
In the beginning, I couldn’t sell to save myself. Toss in the fact Francine was a natural and had successfully run FROG on her own for seven years, my inability was soul-crushing. However, after inexplicably squashing a guaranteed sale of a pair of 18th century Japanese temple candlesticks and urging a customer to shop at Ikea for cheaper cabinets, I finally woke up. As I developed a fondness for the inventory and took on the bookkeeping (a task Francine abhorred), my confidence grew. I began to enjoy my life at FROG. Toss in meeting a certain customer’s son, and, well … I was sold.
6. How can we help you, Kelly?
To put it bluntly, I need to have folks buy the book on the day it releases. I would really appreciate it if you’d consider purchasing Never, Never, Hardly Ever on Amazon in its paperback form or on Amazon Kindle on Wednesday, March 20th. That’s the magical date.
It would also help tremendously if you’d subscribe here and
on Instagram and if you’d share the news with your pals and family.
Thank you so very much for your support, guys. It means the world to me. And of course, Francine will be tickled pink.
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13 Responses
So wonderful to have this teaser , and love the title and cover so much !!
I have set a reminder to order my copies on day 1 ! Can’t wait!!
So happy that all of your hard work is finally coming to fruition!
Thank you so very much, Jane. SO good of you.
Very exciting news. I look forward to reading it
Thank you, Marie! I am excited to get it off my laptop and out into the world.
Love the title, love the cover and can’t wait to read about your adventures!! Congratulations, my friend!!
Mo – thank you. Truly.
Kelly: Very happy for you on the occasion of your first book. I can’t wait to read it.
Thank you so much, Ken. I think it’ll give you some insight into what makes this quirk magnet tick.
I’m embarrassed to admit that a follow-up reminder would be good 🙂
Oh, I quite understand the need for that! Will do! Thanks Kathy.
I love all of this so much and will order your book with joy!
Aw, thanks, Katy. You’re the best.