Yes, I’ve been schooled on how to successfully do Black Friday when you’re 96.
Mom’s phone request was simple. Could we go to her favorite mall on Friday? She only had two more Christmas presents to buy.
My daughter’s response was slightly less positive than mine.
“Mom! You can’t take Gaga shopping on Black Friday!”
She was right. The crushing crowds wouldn’t be entirely conducive for a gal with a walker.
Whoopsies. Clearly Francine was envisioning:
While the reality would be more like this:
“Black Friday? What is that, Kel?”
My explanation was succinct.
“Remember the chaos of our departure after the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics? Ok, now add in dozens of gigantic cumbersome cardboard boxes and multiply it by ten.”
“What nonsense. It’ll be the complete opposite; everyone is shopping online these days. What time would you like to pick me up?”
She was a little bit surprised when all of the disabled parking spots were already taken and we had to drive around to the back of the mall. However, once we parked and I’d successfully hauled her walker down the few steps into the store, Francine was reborn. And I was reminded of what it’s like to shop with her.
First, you need to be mindful that you’re dealing with a highly visual person. The overall assault of different colors, textures and designs is pure manna for Mom. So, never follow directly behind her or you’ll crash into her. Francine stops suddenly. All the time.
Second, you’re working on her schedule. Sometimes she zooms along, other times she lags, her hands lovingly caressing each and every cashmere sweater calling out to her en route.
Success
The men’s department was surprisingly quiet. Francine wandered through the racks easily. While we argued over the color options, I’m pleased to say my uncle will be thrilled with his. My brother? He’d be wise to remember Francine’s advice to “Never be afraid of color.”
And those crushing Black Friday crowds?
Yes, they were pretty non-existent in every department. That reality inspired Francine to ask, “Do you think we could pop into my favorite clothing store. Just to look?”
How To Successfully Do Black Friday When You’re 96
Francine honed in on the teetering pile of colorful sweaters stacked midway in the shop. I didn’t. I was distracted by customers lining up to pay; each one clutching at least three items. There must have been 18 people entwined amongst the racks. Surely Francine would want to flee.
But no.
I won’t share how many delights she piled onto her wheelie. It would endanger the health of my son and niece who’ve assisted in previous declutterings of her closet. However, I will admit to also succumbing to the alluring discounts.
“Mom, let me stand in the queue. Toddle over to the cash registers and sit. We can meet up when I get to the head of the line.”
Perfect.
I’d spent a mere ten minutes chatting with the gal in front of me when our helpful sales clerk surfaced. She looked rather upset.
“Your mom is starting to feel faint. She says it’s the stale air in here …”
With my new friend assuring me she’d hold my spot (24th) in line, I beetled over and was horrified by Francine’s flushed face. Her voice was also alarmingly frail.
“Thank you for getting my daughter, Tammy. Do you think it’s possible to get our clothing put aside? I’m 96 and am feeling most ill.”
The manager of the store was alerted.
“What are you doing here, Francine? I’d be home with a glass of wine if I didn’t have to work. Go! It’s fine if your daughter comes back and pays later.”
I gratefully dumped our selections into Tammy’s arms.
As Tammy buckled under the weight and staggered into the backroom, I took a deeply restorative breath and leaned down.
“OK, Mom. What do you want to do. Go home? Or …?” I couldn’t bring myself to say “go to Emerge?” That would make the situation real.
She gestured towards the door. We slowly threaded past the long lineup of sympathetic faces out into the bustling mall.
“That lineup was ludicrous, Kelly. There was NO way I’d tolerate a wait of half an hour. Not at 96. Let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
And that dear readers is how to successfully do Black Friday when you’re 96.
I’m curious about you. Did you succumb to the allure of Black Friday? Or did you give it a miss all together? Better yet, would you like to join us next year? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
13 Responses
Oh that Francine knows how to do Black Friday! But I’m curious why you have Black Friday in Canada? Isn’t everyone at work? After all, it’s not your day after your Thanksgiving.
Yes, everyone is at work on Black Friday except those who slip out, book it off or call in sick. Black Friday has become huge here in recent years. The lineups are long as folks seek the discounts. However, as you’d expect, we’re all very polite about it. 🙂
You are a saint! I think I’d be on ‘your daughter’s’ team for shopping with Francine in Black Friday. You are blessed with both patience and grace. Good on ya!
Ha, thanks, Wend. As you know, the stories of “shawpin'” with Francine are endless …
Love her! Brilliant move sometimes you need to pull out the – I’m 96 and don’t have time for this nonsense – card.
She was very delighted with herself, I must say! Thanks for your kind words. I’ll pass them on to her at lunch today.
Since I didn’t have a mother to guilt me into going to the stores on Black Friday I stayed home. It was LOVELY.
Absolutely the smartest thing you could have done. Good on you.
Oh my, you have the utmost in patience and tolerance !! Kudos to your Mum for her brilliant ruse in the store !
Thank you, Jane. I suspect I don’t hold a candle to your patience though. See what I did there?
I love this story, Sis. First of all, Francine goes by Gaga? So Lady Gaga copied your Mom. Thank Francine for me. I now know what my new name will be when I have my first godchild. Secondly, I need Francine to come to Mass. so she can be my wingman. I mean, wingmom. I hate lines too. Hope you have a great week. xxoo
Yes, Francine goes by Gaga. My twin nieces, now 36, bequeathed that upon her when they were wee despite my sister’s preference for “Granny.” It stuck. I know Francine would be pleased as punch to have it carry on with you. We are Sis’s after all …
Oh my gosh, I have NEVER ventured out on black Friday. I actually really don’t like shopping at all, really.
But our exchange student from France went out with friends and said it was crazy. Funny thing, when he asked about Thanksgiving (the US version), he said “is that the holiday right before Black Friday?” Um, yes. I’ve just never heard of it like that before.