I don’t know where to begin to extol the virtues of the wonder that was the 2016 Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop March 31 – April 2nd in Dayton, Ohio. How many times can you say “amazing,” “transformative,” or “inspirational” before people’s eyes glaze over and they start thinking about whether they should have chicken or fish for dinner? So, I’m going to let Francine, my 93 year-old mother steer the conversation.
If I Only Had The Chance To Meet Erma
Francine: “Did you make any friends?”
Yes. I went knowing only one person (the delightful Jennifer who was a fellow 2015 Listen To Your Mother Seattle cast mate) and came home with a suitcase full of names. There are too many to list here and, knowing me, I’ll leave somebody out and they’ll be sure to notice. However, it would be remiss of me to not introduce you to Val, a local who adopted three of us for a day and drove us to several highlights of Dayton. First stop? Lihn’s Bistro, a popular Vietnamese restaurant. That’s her hand in the right of the photo below, demonstrating just how very large my bowl of soup actually was. Apparently it was larger than my head. It was delicious.
She then zipped us over to Woodland Cemetery, one of the nation’s five oldest rural garden cemeteries. Founded in 1841, it’s 200 acres in size. I’ll bet you’re wondering “A cemetery?” Or perhaps “Why this cemetery?”
It’s the resting place of Erma Bombeck. But unless you’re in the know, you’d likely not know that. It wasn’t even on the scheduled itinerary for the conference.
No, true to her humble nature that I adore, Ms. Bombeck has no wordy grave marker, plaque or tombstone marking her burial plot. Just this modest 29,000-pound boulder that her husband had trucked in from their Arizona home.
Photo credit: Jennifer D Munro
That’s me up there on the left with Elly Lonon, my new pal who ended up winning the Pitchapalooza contest. Huge achievement for her. Huge. This win hooks her up with a potential agent. Watch for her book to grace store shelves in the near future …
Francine: “Now what did you learn during the conference?”
One word answer? Write. Although I’ve heard it before, I needed to hear it again. From many people, apparently. Write. Get the stories down.Tiptoe through the fear and quit procrastinating. Sit down and write.
Francine: “What was your takeaway from the conference?”
Besides getting the flu (or the Erma Plaque) and being happy it wasn’t strep? I’d have to say, the understanding that I’d met my tribe. My group of people who I feel comfortable with and am inspired by. I adored February’s Salt Lake blogging conference, don’t get me wrong. Meeting Mo and Katie was life-changing and I’d go anywhere with them at anytime. It’s just that at Erma there were over 300 humor writers. Absolute heaven to someone like me.
Francine: “What’s the one thing that you regret about the conference?”
The fact that this legend passed away too soon. If only I had the chance to meet Erma. We’d have been instant pals, I just know. But that sounds selfish. And unCanadian. So, I also could say that she had SEVERAL more books in her, I just know. It’s sad that she took them to the boulder with her without getting a chance to share them with the rest of the world.
Francine: “Can you do your bit to share the word about Erma?”
Yes, I can. And I already have. The day after I got back home, I had to zip into the countryside to pick up Bonanza (rabbit) and Poppy (Dog) from their collective spas. It was a new girl who handed me Bonanza’s crate and she asked me where I’d been.
“Dayton, Ohio to attend the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.”
“Erma Bombeck? Who’s she? I love to read books by new authors …”
I enlightened her by sharing my new top three Erma Quotes:
“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”
“I believe everything of any importance in this world has been brought about by dreamers, visionaries who see beyond the first step.”
“Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
Erma, you’ve got a new fan. She wrote down your name and was googling you when I left the clinic.
This post was inspired by the Finish The Sentence Friday prompt of “If I only …” Our hosts are Kristi from http://www.findingninee.com/) and this week’s sentence-thinker-upper Deirdre Conran from https://myblogforlife.wordpress.com/
Enough about me and my If I Only Had The Chance To Meet Erma. I’m curious about you. Are you an Erma fan? If so, what’s your favourite quote or book? Don’t you wish you could just sit down with her over a wine or six and some pie and chat? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
62 Responses
Erma Bombeck’s books were some of the very first “grown-up” books I read as a child. Truly. Somewhere between Little Women (5th grade) and everything-Thomas-Hardy-ever-wrote (depressed and outcast 7th grader that I was) I read a pile of her books. I’ll never forget curling up in my living room reading The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank and If Life’s a Bowl of Cherries What Am I Doing in the Pits (am I even getting those titles right?) I wonder, does her influence show? I sure hope so. Totally jealous but I have to say, that conference couldn’t have happened to a nicer blogger.
You nailed the titles! Well done. Erma would be proud of you. I read the Grass is Always Greener number when I was young too, and remember hooting with laughter. She had such skill at making us laugh and making us think – sometimes in the same sentence. When we were at her gravesite, one of my pals suggested I take out my passport and get a photo. Why? Erma’s wise advice: “When you start to look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home …” Love that.
I’ve always wanted to go to that conference Kelly, because I was a fan of Erma’s. But I don’t know if I could all myself a humor writer. I’d like to be one, but I don’t know if my readers would agree. Does that make sense? Glad you had fun. And in DAYTON!
It does make sense, Allie. I spoke with many attendees who considered themselves to part humor writer. Erma didn’t write just humor – she had the ability to keep us humming merrily along and then BAM! She’d knock the stuffing out of us with a sober, thought inducing one liner. Oh to write like that,eh?
Dayton is an amazingly rich spot. I had NO idea the Wright Brothers were from there. Honestly – that graveyard is worth a visit if only to see the wealth of well known people Dayton managed to produce. We couldn’t help but wonder if there’s something in the water …
I’m so jealous that you went but also so very happy for you that you did. I’ve gone to BlogHer and BlogU the last two years and didn’t even hear about Erma but since I’m often not a humor writer these days, I think that’s karma. I love that you turned a new fan and that you came home with a suitcase of new friends, so much.
It was such a worthy trip for me, Kristi. And take heart. Whenever I come across your photos and posts about BlogHer and BlogU every jealous bone in my body positively SINGS.
Loved the phrase, “Suitcase of new friends”
I have not yet been to any writer events, but I can get the feel of what it is like to meet like minded people 🙂
Glad you had fun and made memories!
xoxo
Thank you, Ruchira. It was the worthiest conference I’ve been to yet. And yes, there is nothing like meeting like minded people, is there?
Oh, that would’ve been an awesome conference to attend. I love Erma. I have “The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank” in my arsenal of books to inspire me on my desk. My favorite little story in there is the one where parents and teachers (and the librarian) are feuding a bit about whether or not sex education belongs in the schools and also about dress code. One woman who doesn’t like how kids are dressing these days in school says “Well, I have always felt if the Good Lord had meant for people to go nude He would never have invented the wicker chair.” I had to go get some water from laughing so hard after that. And it just brought a smile to my face again! 🙂
All I remember about The Grass is Greener is the hooting with laughter over it. Thank you, thank you for the nudge to reread it. I just finished rereading “A Marriage Made In Heaven – Or – Too Tired For An Affair.” “Motherhood – The Second Oldest Profession” is on deck. What a wise, humble and delightful person she was.
I love that Titanic quote! And my mom was one of those housewives who taped her columns up on the fridge. I must pencil in April 2018 to go to the next conference. Actually, I think I need to pencil in December 2017 as that’s when tickets go on sale, no?
Some of the most fun writing I had recently was my entry into her contest. So what if it didn’t win. I was cracking myself up as I channeled Erma with my story AND–bonus–it will be run on another site in May.
Oh how grand! Can’t wait to read your entry, Katy. That’s great. Channeling Erma – love that.
You simply must register for 2018. Yes, in December. 2016 sold out in 6 hours so make sure you’re lined up and ready to go. I had to register (at 08:00) on a day that I was looking after my niece’s 18 month-old. He’s obsessed with laptops so his mom suggested I bring out “his” – actually an old travel clock (!) at 07:55. Worked like a charm. He worked on his while I registered on mine.
Oh you went to Erma this year?? I went in 2014. I vowed I never would miss another after attending once, but time and money and children issues won out this year. How fun if we could have met in person and laughed! That’s what I remember. Laughing and laughing. Such great writer, speakers — such great people — period, paragraph. I didn’t make it to her grave but I had a few hours after I landed and before check-in so I did go see the Wright Bros. home, museum and bicycle shop. So glad you went and had fun. Bring your mom in 2018 and I’ll be there for sure.
Oh that’s a hoot. Mom would love to come. She loves Erma and my post about her questions was a fraction of what she actually asked me. This year, the keynote speakers were hit and miss, compared to those of the past. At least that’s what the “oldies” said to me. One of the keynotes was dreadful. Wanted to be anywhere but there. However, the rest were spectacular. I wish we had Phil Donahue. He must have been wonderful in ’14. Come in ’18! I’m planning on being there. Good on you to pop in to the Wright Bros home, museum and bicycle shop. Jennifer and I made it to the Carillon Brewery for an amazing lunch. Also bonus in ’18 – the hotel’s magnificent and much needed reno will be done.
I chuckled at “new author”. Can’t chuckle too much. All these years being an Erma Bombeck column fan, I didn’t know there were books. I love that first quote. That’s a good one to post in Facebook comments when someone is going off the rails about something that was meant to be funny if you have a sense of humor. But I never comment in those comments anyone, but that’s a good one. Glad you had a good time and met some good people.
Thanks, Kenya. I had a hoot. You simply must check out her books. They are a quick, insightful and entertaining read.
That sounds like a wonderful and inspiring conference Kelly, so glad that you had the chance to attend it. I too loved Erma, spent lots of time laughing with her, and now feel inspired to read some of her books again !
Yes! I’ve got “A Marriage Made in Heaven – or – Too Tired For An Affair” and also “Motherhood The Second Oldest Profession” so I’ll lend those to you on our next field trip. What a gal, eh? Wouldn’t it have been fun to gather around her kitchen table for a chinwag or two?
I feel like I don’t yet know if I’m an Erma fan. It’s largely unexplored for me! The conference seemed so lovely, and I’ve now heard of three Erma flus. The stomach variety. The flu flu one. And the strep one. Were you all sharing drinks or something??
‘Tis the time of year.
Ha! It was a breeding ground for not only illness but laughter, Tamara. Oh man. My stomach was sore from all the laughter as were my cheeks. Such a worthy endeavour – even with the illness. Check out Erma. I’d start by googling her quotes. Such a wealth of clever and insightful bits.
I love Erma’s writing and I’m secretly (not any more) jealous of people who get to attend this course. I’m so glad you had a good time and learned so much. Thanks for sharing. I loved how you allowed your Mum to steer this sharing.
Just read this now, Corinne. Thank you so much for popping in and leaving a comment. Erma’s writing is indeed the best, no? I’ll share your kind words with my Mum.
I need to get to a conference next year – I may have to pick your brain about the possibilities. I’m not an Erma fan, if only because I don’t know much about her. But I do love humor…
Oh if you love humor, have a read of one of Erma’s books. She has such a gift. The next Erma conference is in 2018 – as they are every two years.
You know I thought I felt little tremors in early April coming from the direction of Cleveland. Now I know it must have been all the laughter from the conference. How absolutely wonderful that you found your tribe Kel. Is there a special insurance you can get – I’m imagining injuries from laughing so much must be an occupational hazard of such a gathering.
Very funny – I should look into extra insurance for the next Erma. I came away with some marvellous memories and lines, Deborah. Can’t remember when I have laughed so much in such a short period of time.
So wonderful to hear of your experience at the conference, Kelly. Ohio’s a nice place to visit – I spent three weeks living there – seriously – that was enough ;-). What fun for you to be taking the leap on these US excursions (investments) as you dive more seriously into the author realm. You have a gift with humor and, procrastination aside, this will come through in everything you do as you fully tackle this book project. Now that you’ve spent some big bucks in the honing process, you have to, right?
Three weeks? You lived there for three weeks? Oh Nanette, your stories are always surprising and oh, so, worthy. And yes, I do have to tackle this book project and WRITE. I’ve honed and now I must write. Bless you once again for your gentle nudges.
Erma was certainly one of a kind. It sounds like it was a great conference.
She was, wasn’t she. It was a great conference, Kathy. I came away with so much energy (once the flu cleared up) and knowledge. Very worthy.
I’m just so so glad you got to go to this conference, Kelly!! What a gift to meet and get to know so many women and find your tribe!! I’m amazed at Erma’s grave- wow. I can’t believe I live just an hour and a half from Dayton and haven’t yet gone to this conference. I KNOW I’m missing out, even though I’m not a humor writer- I still would LOVE to go and meet people like YOU. <3
Aw – you really should consider Erma ’18, Chris. There were numerous workshops on “writing humor” and it would be beyond wonderful to meet you in person.
I read a few Erma books ages and ages ago. She was super funny and real. I loved that about her. Cool idea for a road trip for fans coming to the area. You had a smart guide! 🙂
She was real. We were treated to a performance of the one act play that has been written about her. Her
“realness” shone through.
I really wanted to go to that conference but I’d rather spend money some other way. I’ve been wanting to check out the Air Force base but my ID is now expired so seems rather pointless if I can’t save money on liquor at the base exchange. I’m not a huge fan of Erma though I’m sure she was an amazing person, but some of my favorite writers have done the workshop.
The Vietnamese restaurant was right next door to the base, Michelle. And the gal who toured us around works for the Air Force. As a Canadian, it was a real treat for me to see all of that.
I absolutely love Erma and everything written by her that I’ve ever read. I just know that this experience will be a launching pad that will take you higher and higher my friend. Then I tell everyone I meet, “Kelly McKenzie. You must buy her books, they are hilarious!”
Oh Mo, you are such a good friend. Thank you for your kind words. I have to tackle my taxes today and all I want to do now is sit down and WRITE. Ah well, soon. Soon. Hope you had a wonderful visit with our pal who shan’t be named.
They needed an especially heavy rock to keep her in the grave, eh?
Grinning here. Hugely. Clever comment, Scott.
Gads Kelly, you came home with enough new friends to fill your comment section anyway. Scroll, scroll, scroll. I love it. And I agree with the person who said they read Irma when they were young. I think she was one of the first writers I read then that gave us permission to make fun of our lives, to be really honest, pointing out the ridiculous, even if it wasn’t following ettiquete to do so. And yes, I love reading your blog. And you are funny. Thank you for sitting down and doing it.
Aw, thank you for your kind words, Kimberly. And you are so right about Erma – she did give us permission to make fun of our lives and be honest. Ironing isn’t fun. Laundry and picking up after our kids isn’t fun. I love how she managed to point out the ridiculous and make us feel as if we are all in this ridiculous game together. It’s refreshing how her books and I’m sure her columns, have managed to withstand the test of time.
I wanted to go so bad. I’m sorry that I missed it and you!
Oh Rena, you simply must try and attend 2018. I found the conference so very worthy. I am planning on going and should the stars align it would be splendid to meet you!
Yes….I remember…I’m afraid I didn’t read her books, but I always read her column in our local newspaper. I loved her and the way she looked at the world around her. I did not know she was buried in Dayton Ohio. Here is an interesting ‘factoid’ for you….I ‘honeymooned’ in Dayton, Ohio. YEs, it was a grand and glorious 2 night stay. My new hubby thought I would just be enthralled with the Wright Patterson Air Force Museum. He loved planes and wanted me to love them as well I guess. Needless to say…..I was not overly impressed….I was young and in love and wanted romance and roses not history and tin LOL….I wondered what wise and wondrous words Erma would have to say about that!
Oh you’ve got me grinning, Debbie. You honeymooned with the Wright Brothers. Oh dear. I can well imagine that you wanted love, romance and roses – not history and tin. Funny line. OH YES – just think of the fun Erma would have had with that.
Oddly enough, I truly enjoyed seeing her cemetery plot. All of those gorgeous trees surrounding that huge boulder! That was news to me. So glad to hear the conference was wonderful.
NO – I understand how you enjoyed seeing it, Elda. We were so lucky to be there in blossom season, too. It was gorgeous- if one can say that a gravesite is gorgeous.
Sounds like it was a great conference Kelly! And how fortunate that you were able to attend with your dear 93 year old mother. What a blessing that you still have her in your life. Thanks for sharing about Erma, truly one of a kind!
Oh you made me smile. Mum didn’t actually attend the conference with me – she was asking me all these questions over the phone on my return! However, I do thank you for pointing out that I’m lucky to have her in my life. I am indeed.
Loved Erma – she’s one of the greats. Thanks for sharing a little about your experience. I think this is the next conference I want to attend – I’ve heard such great things! Maybe you, me and Susan?
Oohhh that would be fun. It’s a wonderful conference that I think you’d love, Lana.
Just saw this conference and I’m in … for everything except flu and strep!
Yippee! Hope we can all get to the next Erma, Susan.
I couldn’t wait to grab the paper and read Erma’s column. I was really young – maybe ten years-old. When a reader said, “You remind me of a young Erma Bombeck,” I was beyond thrilled. I hope to get to the conference one day. Loved your post!!
Erma’s fans truly were all ages, weren’t they? And yes, Lynne “you remind me of a young Erma Bombeck” is a HUGE compliment. The conference is very special and I do hope you manage to make it one day.
Hi…I loved Erma, a true inspiration. One of my favorite stories from her was something about birthdays of her children and how she only knew the year the last child was born because it was the year the town got a hardware store. I am the number 8 of seven living children for my parents, when my mother couldn’t remember my name she called me the dog’s name and I replied…true story!
Love that your mother asked all those questions and totally jealous that you get to attend these wonderful conferences.
Oh that’s funny, Beemie. Sounds just like Erma. And you answered to the dog’s name? Classic. There were only three of us and my mom would run through the first two names before she got to me. And yes – I’ve had such fun at the conferences. The best part? Meeting my blogging pals in person.
Sis… how did I miss this post on my favorite writer, besides you of course. So glad you had so much fun and even brought home a communicable disease. Hope the airline didn’t charge you extra. Love Francine’s questions – I think she has a future as Barbara Walter’s replacement! I think instead of a blog conference, we should grab Mo and go on a Erma pilgrimage. Have a great week and stay out of trouble!!
Oh I’m loving the sound of an Erma pilgrimage. Brilliant. I didn’t find worthy wine restaurant but I lucked out on the beer front. We need Mo to work her magic.
Hi Kelly,
You picked the right title for this post. I definitely wish the same thing because Erma is simply amazing. I wish I could attend the conference! Great post, thank you for sharing your experience!
Zaria
Hi. Thank you so much for popping in and reading, Zaria. Erma is simply amazing. The next conference is in 2018 – if you can swing it, you should think about going. I found it so worthwhile.