An ass over tea kettle Christmas? You betcha. Anything that could go awry, did. In the quirkiest of ways.
Don’t get me wrong. We had a splendid “Christmas In The Country” with my spry 93 year-old mum at my brother’s home up the coast. However, in true Just TypiKel fashion we were treated to some pretty special events. Here’s a teaser.
- Smashed ornaments
- Splinters
- Strandings
An Ass Over Tea Kettle Christmas
A slight exaggeration on the latter front, perhaps.
C R A C K
He’s on his ass, the chair in a very sorry state; part of the backrest is now a lethally jutting spear. With my mother nattering on about the potential of someone losing an eye, my brother hopped efficiently into action.
“I’ll take it to my chair guy.”
Gingerly cradling it in his arms he safely negotiated the narrow space between the dining table and the tree and headed for his office. Forgetting one thing. His daughter’s temporary bed – the largest blow up air mattress offered by Canadian Tire – wedged in the doorway.
With the athletic prowess of a Cirque du Soleil gymnast, he somehow magically pirouetted over the bed and then … stumbled. The chair flew out of his arms and crashed into the carefully stowed half finished game of Risk.
Ever been showered by a plethora of heavenly multi coloured plastic troop tokens?
And the chair? Splintered into multiple pieces, now a true challenge for the “chair guy.”
The fun continued once we got home. My daughter skillfully parked the car at our favourite mall and I eased myself from the passenger seat. With the battery of my key fob out of action for the past several months and I foolishly have yet to replace it I automatically reached out and locked the doors. As one does. Of course my daughter was standing outside fixing her hair and stretching from the long drive. Her door inexplicably swung … shut.
Notes to self: One: enjoy the elevator music. You’ll be on hold for at least 20 minutes with the auto rescue company. Two: you do have another option. The mall security guys will call a tow truck company to come to your rescue. Three: always carry a second key.
Enough. I shan’t tire you with truthful stories of broken bowls, broken champagne glasses or family trucks being backed onto hidden boulders … I’m curious about you. Did you have an ass over tea kettle Christmas or festive season? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
On this last day of 2015, I thank you for reading Just TypiKel. Thank you to the locals who reach out to me in the grocery store and up at the dog park. Thank you to all of you who reach out to me over social media. Thank you for leaving a comment. Or not. I appreciate each and every one of you and wish you a splendid and healthy 2016.
37 Responses
Oh Kelly what a fabulously eventful Christmas. I forgot how deliciously funny and refreshing your writing style is. Wishing you and your family a joy filled 2016.
Aw thank you, Karen. You never fail to give me a boost.
I love this more than you know…
Why? Because we have been stuck in this house since break started with sickness. Double pink eye.. . massive colds and sore throats and my kids are SAVAGES I tell you. SAVAGES.
I am sick. I ache everywhere and want nothing but peace and quiet- or my original plans to come through- but they can’t. Because I’m sick. Miserable actually… so I bear the burden of savagery with holed up kids and hubs gone to watch football with his buddies. That’s a good thing. The poor guy needs a break.
Here’s to 2016. No exclamation points needed. I don’t have the energy for that…
But my kids do.
PS: I LOVE your tree. And I ALWAYS love reading your posts. 🙂
Oh you have been through the ringer, Chris. I do hope you are feeling the picture of health these days. Man alive. And yes, here’s to a beyond healthy 2016. No exclamation points needed.
Compared to you I had a COMPLETELY normal (boring?) Christmas.
Oh Kathy, both my children would love to have spent it with you, I’m sure. My son commented yesterday that he was glad to return to college so that he “could have a rest…”
Kelly… this is priceless. With every debacle, I can picture it in my mind thanks to your colorful words. That key fob thing has happened to me more than I care to remember. Counting the minutes until Feb! Happy New Year!!
Happy New Year to you! May we both have one that is key fob issue free!
As soon as I saw the title of this post in my Bloglovin feed, I knew it was from you. Who else says “ass over tea kettle”?!?!?! One of the many, many things I love about you, my friend, is your ability to turn every ooops into an hilarious story – always reminding us that life is too short to take things seriously. Don’t sweat the small stuff like splintered chairs or a pesky hornets nest or a flat tire on your bike. Instead, find the funny. And you find the funny better than anyone!
I’d forgotten about the flat tire on the bike episode! Ha! My daughter and I had a bit of a tiff the afternoon you left this comment and may I say that you soon set us right. We were both laughing and reminiscing about that bike ride. She was blocks ahead of me and couldn’t believe her eyes when she came back to find me huffing and puffing on a bike with virtually no air in the tires. Too funny. Thanks, Mo. We both needed a laugh.
Oh dear – glad you all survived in the end :)! What a beautiful view from your brother’s home. I don’t think I’d ever want to leave!
It’s just typiKel for me to live through adventures like this, Lana. Ha! And yes, good eye. He has an amazing view. It’s really hard for both him and his wife to leave.
I want a chair guy. Although I don’t want to need a chair guy.
Happy New Year, Kelly – looking forward to another year of reading about your adventures!
Ha! Good point, Dana. I’d like a chair guy too, but not the need for one. Thanks for your kind words. Here’s to a wondrous year with lots of adventures for both of us!
What an eventful holiday! As always, entertaining – and as always – so are the comments. Your son wants to go back to school to get some rest! I look forward to reading more adventures from you in the coming year. and the plum pudding looks outstanding
Thanks so much, Vickie. And may I say that comment on the pudding regarding the pudding is SO welcome. Many are unfamiliar with such a thing. One friend asked me over Christmas “So you’re taking Jello to your brother? Is that a family tradition?”
How did I miss this gem last week? Maybe I had my head buried in the sand.
Our Just Typikel moment at Christmas dinner came when one of my sweet cherubs asked for some of Grandpa’s homemade apple cider to drink. little did I know that Grandpa’s homemade apple cider had some sort of seltzer in it. When I opened it, the homemade apple cider gushed all over the walls, cabinets, floors, sink, and me. Ever tried to mop up homemade apple cider from a wood floor? It takes at least 32 moppings before it is not sticky.
Noooooo. Oh, my lord. That must have been quite the sight. No, I’ve not had that particular gem of an experience. Quite something. I wouldn’t have expected the seltzer either. Did you have to sit in wet clothes for the rest of the dinner?
Those stories will keep you (and us) smiling in years to come. Thanks for the entertainment, Kelly.
Oh, Nanette. Bless you. I do appreciate you.
9 hours at the airport trying to get out of Atlanta…nuff said!
Mon dieu. Nuff said, indeed.
Oh goodness – you do know how to have a delightful holiday! Nothing like sending out the old year with a good dose of laughter. And of course a dose of hard sauce never hurts either. 🙂
A good dose of hard sauce never hurts either – absolutely. Unless of course, in just typiKel fashion, one forgets to bring it.
Thanks for making me laugh out loud Kelly! You are an entertaining writer.
Aw, thank you, Nancy. That means a lot to me.
sounds like your Christmas was anything but boring. Happy New Year
Thanks so much, Tat. Happy New Year to you.
I always enjoy your stories, Kelly! Sounds like you had a very exciting holiday. Most excitement we had was a houseful of sick people. Just happy to move on to 2016!
Thanks for sharing all of your fun!s
Oh I am sorry to hear that, Sue. I do hope and trust that everyone is on the mend and January is looking a whole lot brighter.
Our Christmas was benign compared to yours, but I do need the name of that chair guy … inexplicably, in the past 2 months we have discovered broken rungs on two of our wooden chairs, and no one knows how it happened! Your tree was lovely – and that view!!! I have missed visiting here, and finally have a minute this evening to catch up on your posts! Happy 2016 – and looking forward to our continued friendship!
Your writing always makes me laugh and then you add the photos to tell the story. Goodness gracious! Thanks for this. Keep ’em coming in 2016…
Thanks for being so supportive, Elda.
Oh my…..I think we have all been there! That is why it is so funny when it happens to someone else. HA! FAMILY….you just gotta love-em! I remember spending the holidays with family in Tampa Florida one year. We were all sitting around a lovely campfire….in those little plastic chairs that you can stack one on top of the other. My Uncle and my Dad were sitting side by side…being their usual silly selves, when one turned to the other and CRACK…both went flying backwards on to the ground. My uncle’s chair gave way and he reached out to Dad to keep himself upright…OH it went all so wrong!! I laughed so hard I thought for sure I’d pee my pants……BEST Christmas ever! You see plastic chairs tend to loose their flexibility when they have been exposed to the Florida sun.
Now there’s a story. Debbie, you must have been in hysterics. That is so funny. Oh man. I can just picture it going all so wrong. Thank you for sharing. You made me more than grin.
Hilarious Kelly ! Have a wonderful picture in my head of your son ass over tea kettle ! Great memories that will be re lived for many years !
Thanks so much, Jane. You can just imagine the tree sailing over with a crash and me completely ignoring it in the kitchen. Shades of Bridget Jones’ “Oh just stir it, Una.”