I could happily kill her. Right. This. Very. Minute.
And the worst part? She has absolutely no clue. My 21 year-old daughter is but a mere blue speck on the horizon, totally unaware that I’m slogging away far behind. I’d happily murder her cold little heart for leading me on this bike ride from hell.
Yes, yet again, I find myself in yet another situation that mustn’t be shared with my own mother. She’d be horrified. It’s 32 degrees Celsius (almost 90 degrees Farenheit) and humid. My head is mercilessly itching under the damn bike helmet, my eyes are stinging from the relentless sweatbeads and my heart is seriously pounding. We’re only two-thirds into our 18 kilometer (11 mile) ride into the Vancouver Food Truck Festival which is held every Sunday throughout the summer on the scenic shores of False Creek.
The Bike Ride From Hell
Why the hell is it so hard today? My memory of last year’s sojourn is one of ease and fun. Am I now that out of shape? How is it possible? I walk the dog at least an hour almost every day. And why is my bike is so bloody noisy? Surely, even little Ms. Biker can’t fail to notice the relentless rattling which easily drowns out the drone of the passing cars.
She’s stopped, merciful god in heaven. As I finally drag my aching body alongside her at the crosswalk I’m choked to find her grinning and barely sweating. I’m close to vomiting. Yes, M. that couple in the motorized wheelchairs have caught up to me. How good of you to notice.
But her attention is elsewhere.
“There’s a bike shop on the corner, Mom. Shall we get some air in those tires?”
My shrivelled dehydrated brain struggles to take note of the sidewalk sign.
The tires looked just fine when I hopped on the bike this morning. Mind you, it has spent the wet winter months outside and the chain is a tad rusty. If nothing else, it would be a lovely excuse to stop and finally catch my breath. Ok.
The Sidesaddle Bike Shop is thankfully lovely and cool. I daren’t take off my helmet and expose my sweat soaked scalp; the shop keepers might expire from shock.
“Hello. Riding my son’s bike, I’m finding it a bit of a slog today. Could you possibly look at my tires?”
The young fellow’s smile broadens. “Your front tire is barely on the rim. And that chain? Oh my.”
The bike rises markedly as he finishes pumping air into the second tire. As he drips oil over the chain my thoughts turn to lunch. And payment. Surely that sign outside was for healthy bikes. Bikes that receive loving treatment. I can’t remember the last time this bicycle rolled passed a bike shop, much less into one. How much is this going to cost? With only cash on me, I might just be tucking into tap water for lunch …
“There. All done. You should find it a bit easier to peddle now.”
He waves us on our way. No payment required.
There are few words to explain how very different things are now. The bike floats. Effortlessly.
My biking partner can barely get the words out, she’s laughing so hard as we sit down to enjoy our lunch on the banks of scenic False Creek, home to the recent FIFA Women’s World Cup.
“Your back tire was ballooning out, Mom! It was so flat! And the noise? I could barely hear myself think … It was hilarious watching you. Thank god for the bike shop.”
And I thought she hadn’t noticed …
Things were very different on the return trip. We took 25 minutes off our travel time, even with the stop for berry picking.
I’d like to offer up a personal thank you to the kind folks at Sidesaddle Bike Shop. Thanks to you, my daughter will live to see another day ..
Check out their website. What a blessed find.They cater to women riders and truly do offer service above and beyond. Pop in and see them, whether you’re on the bike ride from hell or simply looking for anything bikish. They’ll treat you well.
Enough about me and my Just TypiKel bike ride from hell. I’m curious about you. When did you last feel like vomiting plop on a bike? Was it a horrific slog or effortless? Have you a favorite bike shop? Are you fond of food trucks? What’s your favorite food truck meal? Better yet, when did you last want to murder your child? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
33 Responses
I’m glad you found the bike shop – I need to get my bike out – but it hasn’t been riden in awhile – so I would do a quick once-over to make sure all was working before taking it out. But, then again, I usually bike alone. Sounds like it eventually became a great day – I remember a few years ago being on a trail outside of Atlanta – it was a rails to trails – meaning it was a converted railroad track – not very hilly – right? It was easy riding – but I neglected to factor in – I had to ride BACK! I knew I had to do it, but I guess it slipped my mind – i rode 34 miles I believe – i had to ride back – oops!
Thanks, Vickie. I just learned that the bike shop opened in May! As for your rails to trails ride? Yowzers. That’s one heck of a one way trip, let alone two. We have a similar concept here. I’ve not done it but folks tell me it is beautiful as the train track winds through the mountains. Hope you can get your bike out for a ride soon.
Kelly I swear you crack me up! I can just picture you slogging down the road on flat tires! That’s just hilarious. I would love to be your next door neighbor…most of the time anyway, except when you scare the floor tile man away. Did you get the pic of my wasps? Those were right above my chair on the front porch hubby knocked them down when he got home. I figured you had sent them! Hahaha!
Oh, Rena, truly. I must have been quite the sight. My daughter was cracking up when she was relaying the story to her brother. I did get the pic of your wasps! Thank you! Geez. I don’t blame you for thinking I’d sent them. Might have. The little buzzers are everywhere this summer. Did you see that photo I posted of a basketball sized beaut of a nest that’s in our cedar tree? Man alive. I wish you lived next door too. Your hubby could knock it down when he next got home. I’ll keep you posted as to how I deal with that situation …
Hmm…I’m afraid to admit that my children’s lives are in peril on a weekly basis :)! I love to ride my bike but I’m quite terrible at it – whenever I stop I almost tip over. Makes my husband laugh every time. I do love food trucks though, so a bike ride might be worth it!
Lovely to learn that your childrens’ lives are also in peril on a weekly basis. I am not the only horrid mommy on the west coast!
Last murder your child…ha ha ha! On the last day of school in June, it was a gorgeous 70 degree day. The perfect day to ride our bikes to the ice cream shop. Except the 2 mile ride was a bit much for my 8yo and her heavy bike that has no gears. She was a trooper, though, and only made me feel like a crappy mom the entire ride home. At least the ride there was nice!
She’s 8? What a trooper. Way to go, Mom. Ah well, just one more chapter for that book she’ll write when she’s older. As to heavy bikes – I couldn’t believe the difference between my daughter’s bike and the one I was riding. It was especially apparent as we lifted the bikes onto the bike rack. Golly. I swear I could lift my daughter’s with my baby finger …
My last pedal stroke (is that a thing?) came years ago, and the pedal came off – just as I was about to turn onto a busy street. I limped home bloody and aching in places I took the time walking to try and identify which vital organs could have been ruptured.
I wish someone could oil my chains and fill my tires for better travels – on me, not my bike.
The pedal came off? Now that’s not something one hears every day. You must have been quite the vision. And yes, now you’ve come up with a wonderful concept. Drop in docs who’ll oil our chains and fill our tires. Oh it makes me nostalgic for the old days. Wait. What?
Oh Kelly, I can feel your pain !!! It sounds like something that would happen to me. So glad you found the bike shop and hope you had a great time at the food trucks !
Jane – you’d love this bike shop. Just opened in May and they cater to women. I’m now following them on Instagram and they come up with the greatest photos. I truly hope they do well. Lovely people.
Oh Kelly – I don’t know how you do it – having me gasp in sympathy of your painful struggle and then seconds later snorting in laughter. Yay for bike shop superheroes, and yay for Food Truck Festivals which make any sort of sojourn well worth it. 🙂 I’m not entirely sure when the last time I was on a bike, but I think maybe the handlebars had streamers on them.
Ooooh streamers! I found myself in another bike shop on Monday. My daughter was getting her pedals removed and replaced with clips. Anywho, the shop had a whole section of colorful streamers for sale! YES. And a row of those plastic clippy things that you put on the spokes. I thought back to when I used to put playing cards on my spokes and ride around for ages listening to the clipping sound. Probably kept the entire neighbourhood awake.
Wow! That bike store sounds like a gem. Maybe they’ll get your business in the future?
Absolutely. I just found out that they have only been open since May. I’ll do all I can to fire business their way.
I haven’t owned a bike since my own darling daughter had a teeny, tiny accident on her first day of driving and damaged 2 bikes and 2 cars in our garage…don’t ask… I’m thinking about getting a new bike and if I do, I will make a point to become best friends with the guys at the bike shop down the street.
Oh man – now there’s a story, Mo. Two bikes and two cars in one fell swoop. I won’t ask. Nor do I think she’d like the story shared. Still … Yes, do make best friends with your local bike guy. How fortuitous that the shop is just down the street. I’m driving to my saviour of a bike shop the next time. Don’t think they’ll recognise me without the sweatbeads and firey red face so it’ll be introductions all around once again …
We biked over the Golden Gate bridge two summers ago – it was great! Except when it wasn’t, but I’m glad we did it.
When I was a teenager, my parents, sister and I biked in Martha’s Vineyard, and it was probably the most hellish day we ever spent together. My mom fell, we hailed a taxi back to the ferry, we missed the ferry…that was the last time my mother ever rode a bike.
Oh, Dana, we almost biked over the GG bridge on our last visit. Next time. Grinning here over the sound of your Martha’s Vineyard trip. Wow. I know I shouldn’t be. But seriously. You had to take a taxi back and missed the ferry. Now that’s broaching on Just TypiKel territory. Your poor mom.
Thank you Kelly for blog posts we can not only relate to but be inspired by. My poor little bike does not get enough use.
Hi Kimberly. Thank you. Go on – drag out the bike and go for a spin.
HAHAHAHA!!! I’m sorry I am totally laughing at you!!! That is just so adorably sad and painful to read! I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you to ride that bike!! I would be FUMING too!!
BUT, I’m really just so so so happy you were able to get that tire and chain working, Kelly!! Bless your hard- working heart!!
Oh, Chris. You’ve no idea. That hard-working heart was just a poundin’! Honestly don’t know how the story would have ended if not for the bike shop. And they just opened in May. I bet they were chatting about me and my specimen of a bike for quite a long while after we left …
Not much experience at bike riding but I have limitless experience in restraining myself from killing my children!! 😛
Grinning here, Roshni. Too funny about your limitless experience. I am with you there! Nice to know I’m not alone in that department.
Laughing, laughing, laughing. Thank goodness you stopped in the bike shop. “I’m finding it a bit of a slog today.” My new cycling phrase. xoxox
Absolutely the slog from hell, Jamie. Man alive it was quite something. And yes, thankfully that bike shop was there on the corner. Do you know they just opened in May? I’m firing as much work at them as I can. Lovely people. Lovely shop.
I cannot remember the last time I’ve been on a bike! 5? 10 years ago? ahahah! I kind miss it! Love the wind on my face but hate the pain on my butt after! 🙂
Oh but now the bike seats are comfy, Jhanis! So much more than before. You should go rent a bike and check it out.
Kelly… you are a riot.. I haven’t been on a bike since I was 5 years old and I wasn’t that great of a rider then! My girls would have been oblivious to my squeaky bike too! Enjoy your week and thanks for the laugh.
Thanks, Katie! Life is certainly never dull, I have to say.