Over the course of the past few weeks I’ve heard this refrain more than a time or ten.
“You must be so happy your kids are coming home, Kelly!”
YES! Oh joy! Oh rapturous splendor! Perfect Mommy is thrilled the college kidlets are coming home!
But Horrid Mommy? Not so much.
Damn May with all of its impending changes.
I wasn’t always this way; I used to adore the arrival of May.
But that was back in the day when my two were younger and I was in control. I knew what to expect for I called the shots. For twelve straight years, May was the start of everything wet.
Yes, May 1st meant the beginning of daily Summer Swim Club practices that ran until the Provincial swim meet in mid August.
With up to seven practices a week and endless swim meets every Saturday and Sunday, our schedule was rigidly laid out in front of us for the next three months.
The only uncertainty come May? Whether or not my children would be placed at the same pool, at the same time.
And now? Now that my children are 19 and 21 and coming back home after months away at college? Suddenly that windshield of life isn’t as clear.
Right now, both Auntie (their second mother when my husband was so very ill) and Frankie (my 92 year-old marvel of a mom) are shaking their heads and grumbling ” Stop talking such rot. Your kids are wonderful, well-adjusted human beings.”
Yes that’s true. BUT. If recent history (the past two Mays) is anything to go by, we’re in for a couple of rocky weeks as everyone gets used to living together under one roof once again.
Returning College Kids Mayday
These are the thoughts that are keeping Horrid Mommy me awake at night.
1) Some people will need to remember that they’ll have to be accountable. They will have to inform others of where they’re going and when they’ll be home.
2) Some people will need to remember that we have but one dog. She needs to be shared.
3) Some darlings will need to recall that dinner dishes need to be done before bedtime.
4) Some folks will need to be reminded that they can no longer sleep in.
5) Some folks will need to understand that when they get up early they need to use their inside voices.
6) Some folks will need to understand that their cell phone consultation will have to drop. Dramatically.
While I know it’ll be difficult to adjust to these new rules I suspect number 6 will be the hardest to get used to. Indeed, I still cringe when recalling last summer’s admonishment.
“MOM. Get off that damn phone. You’re on it constantly.”
Sigh. It’s true. With my two darlings away, I’ve fallen into the morning habit of curling up in the comfy living room chair, drinking coffee and catching up on the overnight blogging stories on my phone.
How bad is it? Even Poppy gets annoyed with me.
In my defense, I don’t have a laptop or an iPad. Of course, I could go downstairs and slurp coffee in front of the computer. But it’s cold down there. And lonely. I’d much rather sit upstairs in front of the big window with its cheery mountain view.
As for the other five changes, well, I’ll get used to them soon enough.
Hang in there, kids. I can do this. You’ll whip me back into Perfect Mommy in no time.
This confection has been a product of the Finish the Sentence Friday prompt of “I used to love this but now I hate it …”
As always, our host is the lovely Kristi . Today’s guest hosts are Allison M Smith (the sentence thinker upper and me!
Enough about me and the returning college kids mayday call. I’m curious about you. Are you a Horrid Mommy, too? Dread the upcoming summer holidays? Dread the changes you’ll have to make? Or is it all Perfect Mommy land for you? If you blessed with no children, how will you spend your holidays? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
72 Responses
Kelly, once again you have made me laugh with delight. Best of luck to you in adjusting your behavior. 🙂
Donna, thank you so very much. Both for reading and for leaving such a lovely comment. And thank you for wishing me luck in modifying my behavior. I need all the best wishes possible for that! I’ll let you know how it unfolds …
I am not going to lie I am totally catching up on blog reading tonight on my iPhone while the kids are sleeping, too! So someone may need to whip me into shape, too 😉
Shall I send my two over once they are done dealing with me? Might be mid-August but it’s never too late, right?
Oh, well done, Kelly! Love it. I should probably think about a list of rules for summer around here with Kidzilla. May as well start off on the right foot.
But for now, I must go finish off my own post…
Looking forward to reading your FTSF post, Lisa. And good luck with the summer rules list yourself. Maybe get Kidzilla to come up with a few!
You know, I love doing that – having the child participate in the rule and goal setting. It breeds ownership and that is huge.
I’d also add = allowing the child to participate in the decision making. My daughter is travelling right now and some friends are shocked to learn I have no idea of her schedule nor where she’s staying. Shocked. And I have to admit it’s sometimes a little odd for me not knowing but I am confident she’ll be fine. The fact that she’s capable of doing this is huge. And that’s all I need to remember.
You know, at some point – hard as it is – we have to trust that the things we’ve taught them have sunk in and they are capable of functioning on their own in the world. I suspect it’s also easier said than done..
Exactly. On both counts.
#6 would definitely be the most important one for me. Followed by #7 “Don’t get a clean coffee mug every time you want a coffee. Rinse the one you’ve just used; they can be used a second, third and fifth time.” Better still, I think I’d hide all but two coffee mugs then they’ll have no choice but to rinse them out – either that or drink straight from the coffee jug/percolator 🙂
Oh you’ve got me grinning again, Lyn. Two coffee mugs on offer! Yes! And yes, I am liking that concept of drinking straight from the coffee jug/percolator. This morning I am drinking very weak coffee as I used up the last of it and there wasn’t much left. Yuck. Think tepid dishwater and you’re on the right track. I need to do a huge food shop. Somehow I don’t think my son will appreciate the wizened orange, brown banana and two tsps of skim milk that are currently on offer.
I feel this way every week day when my kids return home from elementary and middle school! Thank you for acknowledging the feelings and needs of Horrid Mommy, Kelly, and what a beautiful line: “Suddenly that windshield of life isn’t as clear.”
Happy May! xo
Oh Happy May to you as well, Nicki. Grinning over the concept that you feel this way every day your kids return home from school. Here’s to the Horrid Mommies of the world!
Hee hee – so funny! My boys are still here so we haven’t experienced this yet – but I’ve heard of this adjustment period from other parents as well. Those kiddos ruin all our fun sometimes, don’t they :)! I’m sure it will be a wonderful summer once you all settle in, and you start following the rules!
Yes, you’re right, Lana. I just need to remember that things will settle down and become a wonderful summer once I get the rules down pat. They will and so will I. Surely.
i can so identify with this!
Oh yes. I bet you can. Thanks, Barbara.
Oh, I know exactly what you mean! My kids are all still in school, but summer always requires so many adjustments. I lose my “me” time and have to share my computer, and never mind having that peaceful 2nd cup of coffee.
I always thought I was the only mommy who secretly dreads summer vacation almost as much as I look forward to it. Great post!
Oh no, you are not alone in the dreading summer vacation department! And it is lovely for me to learn that I am not alone. I think the sharing of the computer is the one that is going to hit me the most. I’ll let you know. The team starts returning this Sunday.
Oh it would be terrible if i had to share my phone. It’s bad enough that I get stared at for being on it all the time, much like Poppy in the picture. The hardest thing for me that age was the accountability part. I absolutely hated to be asked, “What time can we expect you home?” Oh I feel a payback coming. I’ve got some time yet to brace for it.
Start steeling yourself now, Kenya. I believe you can’t be too prepared. The troops start returning on this Sunday – wish me luck.
Oh, it must be so weird to have them gone for so long, and then “they’re back!” And yes, house rules must remain the same:)>. And already I have little children call MY cell phone (as well as the house phone) looking for Audrey. Oh, it will only get worse, I’m sure.
Oh now you’ve made me giggle. They call YOUR phone looking for Audrey? That’s funny. I’m my own worst enemy, really. For some reason, in a fit of horrid mommy anger, I once called my son’s phone his “tootle box.” My kids hooted with laughter and the name stuck. I’m in for a lot of “get off your tootle box, Mom” starting very soon, I suspect. The first them gets home this Sunday. Yikes.
I’ve been through the returning college student phase (and now I”m muddling through the Boomerang returned child). It IS an adjustment, and just about the time you get things worked out they’re leaving again.
The worst part for me was always trying to figure out who’d be home at dinner time so I knew how much food to make.
Yes – by the time you get things figured out, it’s time for them to leave. So true. I’ve got two more sleeps before the troops begin coming home. Thanks, Kathy. Nice to hear from another kindred spirit.
This is awesome. I totally get being in control of what they can do come May, sigh at least I have a few more years before they can boss me 🙂
Oh you are lucky to have a few more years, Kerri. Enjoy them. Soak them Up.
Great post Kelly ! I really get the adjustment period, and the feeling of guilt that comes along with it ! It also applies to husbands that are away and return as well ! Good luck and hope things go smoothly !
Oh you made me grin over the returning husbands comment. I can see how that would also be true. Thanks for the good luck wishes, Jane. I’ll keep ya posted. I can always slip away with my new colouring book …
Kelly, too funny! Our daughters, mid- to late-twenties now, finally like us again. It is SO good. Best to all of you as you get used to more bodies in the house!
Grinning over the “… finally like us again.” I am thrilled to report that the first returnee has done laundry and actually put his suitcase away. Last year it blocked the hall for a week. There’s hope.
Okay, let’s take the fact that you’ve written another funny, clever, insightful post that I can only-dream-about-writing for given. I’m still stuck on the fact that you don’t own a laptop or tablet. Does that mean that you are authoring all of this from your phone? Or do you use a desktop? ‘Cause if you are doing it from your phone, you deserve some sort of award. Not sure what kind of award, but something bright and sparkly for sure!!
Oh Anna, – thank you for your kind opening remark. Somedays I feel like I write absolute mud – you’ve cheered me up immeasurably. As for how I write, you had me laughing out loud. Creating everything on my phone? You should see me. I have to wear glasses to see the screen. No I write everything (including this) on my desktop. Once, I needed to bash out a blog post while on a train. Of course, no laptop or tablet or desktop. SO, there I am squinting at the screen, tippy tapping away. Got it done but it was much briefer than it could have been. The tone was probably a bit terse as well. We kept rounding these corners and the phone would shift and my thumbs would slip and words would vanish off the screen. Of course, all around me, students were happily brandishing their laptops. I really must invest in another option, no?
HaHa – funny that you were referring to yourself on some of those changes!!! I can only hope that in a couple years when my boys start leaving for school they will want to come home at least sometimes (I never did.)!!
You’re kidding right….perfect mommy land…LOL! My world has changed dramatically though…my son is married. I am a mother-in-law now with a whole new set of rules to learn. We will be home in Indiana for the summer where said son and his new bride reside. I love my new daughter….she beautiful, smart, and best of all loves my son….but still….a whole new family dynamic is unfolding. I’m trying very hard not to step on any toes but somehow I always manage to do just that….and then my son has to ‘have a talk’ with me…..ya just gotta love that!
Oh Debbie, yes! It must be quite a new world to navigate. I know my son will be the very same. He already feels the need to have a word with me, every now and then. You would be a marvelous mother-in-law, I just know. But still. It’s a whole new family dynamic unfolding. And the knowledge that you must avoid stepping on any toes, is a never ending one. I look forward to hearing how you make out. Sending you buckets of good karma.
Ha! I bet you’re just the one to remind them of these changes! And they’ll scold you for being on your phone. Is it surreal to be scolded by your children? I bet it is.
Yes, initially it was very surreal to be scolded by my children. My son is the first one back and I got plenty of looks yesterday, but no scolding. I’m bracing myself.
LOL. Oh how the mighty have fallen to the not-so-rigid schedule. 🙂 Wishing you a fabulous summer with lots of fun and plenty of time to for surreptitious online checking and possible dog hoarding.
Haha! Thanks, Debbie. I need your good wishes. Particularly on the dog hoarding front …
I have no children, so no one moving in with me and husband over the next few months, and that’s a very, very good thing. In this house, if there’s an empty space, it’s fair game for whoever claims it first. Which is to say, there is not one square inch that isn’t already spoken for. Homebound children would have to stay at the local motel, or maybe next door. That woman has room to spare in a too clean house. 🙂
Hahaha! Love this comment, Linda. Am envisioning the home of your next door neighbor. She sounds like a good many of my friends. Perhaps I could fire my darlings over to them. My son got home on Sunday and he has already offered to help me sort through “some of the extra items lying around.” This thrills me – most of those extra items belong to him!
Honestly, this made me think about how I’m usually reluctant to tell people my age (30s) that I would LOVE a long break from my kiddo. I have one I am blessed blessed to have, he is amazing. I couldn’t really imagine life without him, and yet, I SO want a ten day break from him to lay somewhere.
It’s also so timely because I will be taking me and kiddo up to my mom’s house for the summer vacation months…and she would resonate 100% with this post. It’s scary, interesting and kind of sad how I can sometimes regress into teenagedom mentality when I go back home. We’ve had to actually work on that… to consciously not regress to old habbits, and dynamics.
Jessica – truer words were never said. It is so difficult to not regress back into teenagedom mentality. I have to fight that with my 92 year-old mom. Seriously. And I know I need to watch how I treat my two returning home for the summmer kids. Just yesterday, I was ready to gather up my son’s dishes that have already found new homes throughout the house. I managed to stop myself. He can do it. Fingers crossed I’m still holding firm come August.
As for you needing a ten day break? Oh, yes, I well remember those days. Just sailing off to get my hair cut was liberating. 10 days? Pure heaven.
I often feel like the Horrid Mom. It doesn’t help that I’m so hard on myself. Motherhood is not always easy or cut and dry, that much I have learned over the years. On many days it feels like motherhood and responsibilities are nowhere near ending for me. Somehow I have to find bits and pieces of relief wherever I can get it. Enjoy your time with your children and this adjustment period.
Oh Suzanne – isn’t that the truth? Motherhood is rarely cut and dry. Thank you for sharing that you often feel like the Horrid Mom. I’m hoping my Horrid Mommy moments are few and far between this summer. Will keep ya posted. Hang in there.
A delightful post Kelly! Oh how the tables have turned. I used to be constantly reminding my kids they needed less screen time – and now they just roll their eyes at me.
Good luck adjusting – and I know you will enjoy having your kids home. Just don’t fight too much over Poppy 😉
Yes, that’ll be one of the biggest challenges, I suspect. Trying not to fight over Pops. Thank you, Susan. How those tables HAVE changed, eh? I wish you good luck with adjusting to having your house full again, as well. May it all go “swimmingly” this summer. However, I suspect we’ll have a story or six to share …
I am blessed with no children, but no breaks for me! I’ve just spent two weeks training to do even more things at my current job, as the company decided I was too good a worker (so they say) to let go to waste. For Memorial Day, though, I am planning to go to a Toastmasters meeting.
Oh I am happy though that the job is working out for you. Enjoy that Toastmasters meeting, Scott.
I have no children, but two dogs – and campaigning for a third. See, I’m the only female in the house of my husband and two dogs – time for equal time. But – I have a niece I’m very close to – I like your rules! I too do not have an iPad – I finally broke down and got a tablet when going on a trip – as I love to research! I don’t even text unless I have to! Have fun with the kids – share the dog! and hopefully they will do the dishes!
Thank you, Vickie. We’ve already had the dishes talk. Someone commented that he would do his dishes and someone else replied that we are a family, not roommates. All the dishes get washed at the same time, thank you! I do hope you acquire a third pup and that she’s female. I understand your wish to even out the numbers. I’d love another dog as well. As for getting a tablet – good on you. I’m thinking I might need to break down and get one as well.
Oh how I remember the days. Home from college child thinking she knew more than me. Used to her newly found independence placing rules in a household she did not own. Hahaha. Bad mommy came out pretty quickly. And as I recall the words……if you don’t like the rules go live with your father. That pretty much took care of everything. 🙂 About a month in we were laughing and enjoying each other’s company once again. And having two cats helped when hogging ensued.
Grinning here, Kelli. The “… go live with your father” line is brilliant. Unfortunately what with John being deceased and all that is one line I sadly have to opt NOT to use. Ha! It usually takes us a few weeks to get the family dynamic order restored as well. Having said that, my son and I have already discussed the fact that we are a family, not roommates and all the dishes – regardless of who used them – need to be washed, thank you. How many days in? One.
My favorite line: Suddenly that windshield of life isn’t so clear. Nice. I’m not at that college kid stage yet, but you had me grinning over the bumps of reintegrating come summer/holiday time. Hold tight to your phone Kelly!
Grippiing it with all the strength I can muster, Lisa. Thank you! Savor your young darlings. Time zips by ever so quickly.
Aw! This is so funny and I will totally be YOU in about ten years!!! The good news that you can ALWAYS hold on to, is that mommy is the BOSS. So yeah… you can do what you damn well please thankyouverymuch.
🙂
PS: I just signed the kids up for their daily camp, and my daughter up for swim team I’m still in CONTROL!!!! lol
Thanks, Chris. You had me grinning. Yes, I can do what I damn well please thankyouverymuch. Had a few earnest stares at my phone usage yesterday, but no comments. Perhaps he read my post.
Love that you’ve got the kids summer schedule already sorted. Excellent work, Mom! Enjoy.
I used to dread summer vacation when the kids were little, but now I love it. Relaxed, pressure-free, no homework…and so many more opportunities to spend time as a family. I’m sure it’s hard to adjust to your kids coming home, though. I bet I will feel the same way in a few years, but for now I will pretend that is not going to happen.
Keep pretending, Dana. Oh so good for the blood pressure. And yes, the summer holidays are a real joy. It’s good when the kids are older too. The Seattle LTYM is this weekend and my son wants to come. I am delighted that he’ll be there. And the fact that he’s willing to take a day off work is icing on the cake.
Well I’m not a mommy (or mummy!) at all, but over the years my mum has become increasingly honest about how much she loves having us all back for Christmas… and how much she loves it when we leave again 😉 With three out of four of us living abroad, we’re all piled back into my parents’ house for at least a few days and it’s just like 20 years ago… except with the addition of spouses, offspring, and one grumpy writer not used to sharing anything 😉
Oh I think your Mom and I would get along just fine, Claire. Just fine. Those Christmas get togethers – and departures – must be splendid. Grinnning over her remark that she loves it when you leave …
2) Some people will need to remember that we have but one dog. She needs to be shared.
Best. Rule. Ever.
Ha! I’m laughing because I thought the kids were going to have to stop their cell phone consultation not you. As long as they are not trying to converse with you, I say you can still do it. Of course, if you’re like my husband, you’re still doing it when kids, animals, and spouses are trying to communicate with you. Then it’s not cool. For reals. Tots. Whatevs.
Pure Horrid Mommy has absolutely no patience when it comes to my kids being on their phone to the point of ignoring me. It’s like a red flag to the poor bull. That first time my kids got mad at me for ignoring them was transformative. They were right. I was concentrating so hard trying to see the damn teensy font with my beyond fading eyes that I didn’t even hear them. Ouch. They’ll keep me in line this summer. It’s the dog I’m going to have to work hard at though. She and I have become very close. I must loosen the leash and hand her over for hugs, walks and pats. Let ya know how that goes …
What about #4? What? No more sleeping in?!?! Your stories always bring me joy!
I am still getting used to the no more sleeping in bit, Elda. Coffee will help?
Do your children swim at all now? The first thing I think of is how great they’d be in triathlons. Silly me. Our 21 yo just finished his junior year and is head across The Pond for short Maymester in Manchester. He really is sweet now. Maybe it’s because I’m butting heads with the 14 yo and 11 yo. I can’t believe this is his last summer before graduation. It’s gone so quick.
My son doesn’t swim anymore but he coaches at his old swim club over the summer. My daughter is on the tri team at university and she coaches the swimming part of it and guards at the pool over the winter. So they both still have a hand in somehow. My daughter is 21 and is travelling in New York right now. Isn’t it crazy how quickly the time has flown? One more year and they graduate. What a wonderful opportunity for your son – imagine all the memories and friends he’ll make. Magical.
Oh, I remember those days! It’s an adjustment for everyone. But remember, your house-your rules which means you can curl up with your coffee and your phone as long as you want!!
Thank you for the spot on reminder. Of course, my house-my rules. Come on over for coffee anytime!