I suspect my mother and Joan Rivers would have had a lot in common. Perhaps not the desire for excessive facial modifications but their love of life, the ability to laugh at themselves and the need for retail therapy. Yes Joan. My mom thrives on retail therapy at 91.
She’ll read this and probably deny it. But, between you and me, I’ve witnessed it in action more times than I can count.
As regular readers are aware, my fiercely independent mother had a series of falls this summer. It was hellish. One minute she was alert and well, the next she was kissing the carpet. Fortunately she didn’t fracture any bones but she did give her head a solid joggle each time. Scary stuff.
How is she now? Better thank you. Not perfect but better. She’s gone from having morning and evening aides helping her at home to being completely independent once again. However, my siblings and I have noticed something is still missing. Her sparkle. Mom without joy is arresting; like smoke from a wildfire suddenly swallowing up the sun.
“I think I’m a little depressed.” she admitted to me over the phone a few weeks back. “Both my GP and my Eye Doc think I won’t be back to normal until Christmas. Christmas!”
Of course she’s a weensy bit depressed. Her days used to be far busier than mine; she’d accept invites with alacrity. Now her doctor has advised her to take it easy and actually stand in place a good two minutes before taking a step. She’s not to overdo it. Even the spontaneous pop out for milk should be carefully considered first. It must be beyond frustrating for her psyche; she’s not one to twiddle her thumbs.
What can I say to comfort her? She’s obviously not in the mood for a jocular “you’re lucky to still be alive, old girl” so I fall back on a decidedly more amenable solution. “How about trying some painting Mom?”
Whenever she picks up one of her hundreds of brushes and stands at her easel Mom forgets everything but the canvas.
“Oh it’s far too hot for that. My studio is roasting by 9:00 most mornings.”
It’s true. While the rest of the country has suffered from unseasonably wet and mild weather we’ve had record heat. Her studio faces east and, by choice, lacks drapes so the heat blasts in unchecked for hours.
I suspect there’s a little more to it than just high temperatures however. Mom is comfortable doing water colours anywhere. She hasn’t picked up a brush in weeks; not since her last fall.
“Ok Mom let’s do lunch.”
Things take a sharp upswing as we are joined by her six month old great-grandson and his mother at Butter Cafe, one of our favourite neighbourhood eateries.
“Oh I do feel better Kel. Let’s have a piece of the coconut cake.”
Butter’s coconut cake is stellar. Happily all the world can share a slice on Instagram. I highly recommend that you follow them.
Between Baby G’s chortling antics and the restorative tonic of Butter’s coconut cake the old gal has energy to carry on for a spot of tea at her granddaughter’s.
Half an hour in, I can see that she’s flagging as she’s suddenly limp and looking rather pale. Time to take her back home for a rest and some possible shuteye.
“Ten minute warning Mom.” Clearly I’m struggling to lose my motherly “advance warning” alerts …
She eases gently into the front passenger seat and gingerly accepts the seat belt that I thread carefully around her shoulder. Ever since that trip some five years ago both shoulders have given her grief. Hauling herself aboard the Russian icebreaker via a rope ladder dangling above a roiling sea wasn’t the best idea. She painfully tore the majority of her rotator cuff muscles. Surgery in her late 80’s wasn’t really the best option and she’s chosen to manage the pain with over the counter meds instead.
I buckle up and prepare to head for her apartment a mere six blocks away.
“Kel. Could we do a slight detour please?”
There’s a surprising lilt to her voice. I suspect she probably wants to pop by the bank.
“Talbots is having a sale on their Fall stuff. Imagine! It’s still Summer! They sent me their catalogue and there are several pieces that caught my eye.”
She’s got to be kidding. Two minutes ago she looked paler that pale and now she’s fired up to go shopping?
Holy mother of god. Has she suffered a stroke? Under the pretense of adjusting the rearview mirror I allow myself a sideways perusal.
Her eyes are clear and shining; there’s a slight flush to her cheeks we haven’t seen for weeks. She’s serious.
The next hour is magical.
Retail Therapy at 91
Sales clerks soak up her enthusiasm. Sweaters, blouses, pants and skirts are presented with the flourish of the best of Rodeo Drive; all that’s missing is Richard Gere. Her savvy sense of fashion hasn’t deserted her. She quickly rejects anything deemed “too old ladyish” and graciously puts in a request for “colourful, fun and flattering.” They find it. We waltz out with a beautifully dazzling sweater that’ll be unveiled at her next bridge party.
“My that was fun! I think I’ll do my next canvas with a wash of purple. Life’s too short for brown and beige.”
Welcome back Mom.
This post was inspired by the Finish The Sentence Friday prompt of “Life is too short for …” Thanks so much to our lovely hosts Kristi Campbell at http://www.findingninee.com and Stephanie Sprenger at http://
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61 Responses
Oh! I love this Kelly.
Says a lots about you and your old age as well.
I dunno if I will be as vibrant as your mom though…but she is a hell of a inspiration n you are a fine daughter!
God bless
xoxo
Thank you for your kind words Ruchira. I’ll pass them on to Mom over lunch today!
Oh my God Kelly – I ADORE this post! I so want to be like you mom when I’m 91. LOVE THIS!
Aw thanks Allie. I hope I’m like her as well at 91. Best part is that she doesn’t think she’s remarkable!
Your mom sounds amazing. Retail therapy, maybe I should try that. Maybe I should also try it anywhere but Walmart.
Smiling here Michelle. You should see Mom’s face as she spies a deal! I should take her to Walmart on our next outing.
I can’t explain why, but that one made me cry. Maybe it was the painting studio… or the Talbots trip. At 91! We should all be so wonderfully blessed. Really. It seems as if you are so totally blessed with her, and she so totally blessed with you. (And I never say “blessed”!) Life is too short for beige indeed.
Thank you J. Smiling here at your “I never say blessed.”
The two of us spent ten years working together in her Asian antiques store. Got into quite the arguments sometimes – as families do – and it was quite something for first time customers to see. We’d stop mid spat and turn to them and smile “we’re a mother and daughter team” and then resume the bickering. Usually it was over something as “important” as where we bought something. “Excuse me Frankie but we picked up that wooden elephant in Chiang Mai, not Bangkok.” etc. I always called her by her first name – not Mom. Suppose that was to give me a bit of credibility. Bet many initially thought she could have been “blessed” with a better assistant …
I so very much want to be your mom when I’m her age. Life is never too short for more purple. LOVE LOVE LOVE this. Please tell her that Kristi in DC is one of her biggest fans.
Oh she’ll love to hear this! She spent a few years in that part of the world with my dad and older brother. I’m having lunch with her today. Thanks Kristi.
Thanks Kelly this was once again a delight to read about your Mom. She is and continues to inspire!! As does her wonderful daughter.
You know there really is nothing better than quality time, a beautiful new sweater ……… And a reinspired painter.
Janice! Hi! Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I’ll be sure to pass it on to mom today over lunch. Maybe she’ll be wearing the delight of a sweater. I’ll let you know. On another note – her doc apparently challenged her yesterday. As Mom was making another appointment her doctor came into the waiting room and said “I’m giving you homework. By the time you next come to see me I want you to have painted something. On canvas. Bring it in with you.” Smart doc.
Kelly, this is one of your finest, LOVED it ! They truly broke the mould when your Mum arrived, she is delightful and has more life than many people half her age . I am so happy to hear that she is back !!!
Aw Jane thank you. As always your comments mean so much to me. I really appreciate your support. Am having lunch with Mom today and I’ll pass on your kind words. Although she might read them here first! She’s learned how to leave comments here too just recently! Such a hoot when she phones and asks “Did you see my comment Kel?”
Your mom sounds like the best ever. I hope I have her spunk in my 80’s let alone my 90’s!
Me too Kerri. Me too.
I love it! Hope I’m like your mom when I’m her age. Heck, I wish I was like her now 🙂
Hahaha! Hi Kathy. Me, too! Honestly she does more things in a day than I do. I’m often exhausted hearing her describe it all.
Nope, just something in my eye. Those aren’t tears. Yes, they totally are. LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing that your sweet mom is feeling better!! Tell her that I could not agree more….purple is where it is at! :)-Ashley
I’ll certainly pass on the message over our lunch today Ashley. Thank you. Actually she’ll probably read it here – she’s become quite the fan of reading the comments.”It’s so entertaining Kel!” And she’s learned how to leave one so maybe she’ll pop in for a visit.
I love it!!! Retail therapy is the best kind!!
I always say that even though “money doesn’t buy happiness” it helps!!!!
Exactly. You’ve got to have good health – if money helps with that I’m all for it! Lunching with Mom this afternoon. Perhaps we’ll splash a little bit of cash around afterwards. It’s raining here so she might want to dash home and paint. I’m easy either way! Have a great weekend.
Love it that the old man reading the magazine stopped to look! Love this post Kelly and though I am not a shopper and not ever eager to do it I certainly got exciting by your mom getting her retail therapy on. And that studio view is beautiful! Too bad about the east side heat! It’ll get better soon I hope.
Thanks Kenya. I am delighted to report that it is raining today. While we had drizzle yesterday this is the first day in ages that there’s been relief from the heat. I’m lunching with Mom but it may be cut short if she’s itching to get home to her easel.
Your Mom is what is known as a “pistol”!
The only complaint with your post? This line should have been a link to the background story: “Hauling herself aboard the Russian icebreaker via a rope ladder dangling above a roiling sea wasn’t the best idea.” Come on — I’m sure you must have dished on this on another post! What would induce your Mom to board a Russian icebreaker? Do tell!
Funny! And yes buried somewhere way back is a wee post about her trip aboard the Russian icebreaker. She wanted to see Canada’s north and this was the best option!
Oh, Kelly, I loved every word and even teared up at the end. I’m so glad the Retail Therapy helped lift her spirits. I’m even gladder (more glad? Hm.) that she’s doing better and is independent again, but I’m sure it’s a very frustrating change for her to have to limit her activities. You are such a fantastic daughter to capture it all with such humor and compassion.
Aw thank you Stephanie! I’m delighted to report that she has put brush to canvas just this very morning. So things are continuing in the right direction and fingers crossed she starts to soar once again.
I’m with Anna. [Tsk!] You should have included the link to that Russian icebreaker adventure. My thought was that she might enjoy an easy bit of online retail therapy when she’s feeling down. Has she gone on Pinterest yet? Oh my. Pinterest Fashion can get the best of anyone and I don’t even consider myself a fashion junkie! 🙂
This post is inspiring. My mom is feeling down lately from getting older and it is hard to know what to say sometimes. It just makes me love her all the more.
It’s so hard when they are down and feeling out of sorts isn’t it? Mom is starting to think about junking her ailing computer for an iPad. I suspect she’ll pin away once she does that! As I mentioned to Anna I did do a post way back about the icebreaker. Perhaps it’s time to rehash it. Thanks for the nudge!
Oh how fabulous – this truly made my heart smile Kelly. Your mom is quite the inspiration. I myself prefer coconut cake therapy, but a little retail therapy isn’t to be scoffed at – particularly when a fashionista score is made. Way to go!
I also love coconut cake therapy! Nothing like the first or twelfth bite to get the spirits up! Thanks for your kind words. Mom reads the comments here and I know she’ll be bucked immeasurably.
I read your comment where the doctor gave her homework to do – what a great doctor! I’m glad your mom got a little of the retail therapy and it made her so happy – and nobody should be subjected to old lady type clothes, unless they choose too. I love the way you capture the story so wonderfully. Love the purple – I wonder if it will be a red/purple? or more of a violet. – lots of fun ways to go with purple!
You capture colour the way Mom does! So many variations of purple. And yes her doctor is a gem. She’s kept Mom fit for years – in both body and spirit.
What a great story, Kelly! Sounds like your mom knows what energizes her. Good for her and good for you.
Thank you Janet. She does know and it’s great to see her rediscover that energy!
I love happy endings and especially loved reading about a “next canvas with a wash of purple.” Thanks for sharing this slice of life!
Pleasure! Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment. Mom will be thrilled.
Kel, love, did I tell you about the old man who flopped down beside me and yelled, “Is that a new walker?” The tone told me he was deaf. I yelled back a hearty “Yes!” We discussed the merits of larger front wheels and the fact that it was made of titanium. Then I asked him if he was waiting for a car as I was. His reply? “:No, I’m waiting for God!” I told him God was busy just now. We exchanged ages. He was a year older and roared,”You don”t look that old!” I yelled back “You have to get out more!” As my ride arrived, I realized we had gathered quite a crowd. I blew him a kiss and left. Wished I had the nerve to tell him to buy a new sweater or pair of runners. He had admired my purple ones. You can’t knock shopping!
Nope Mom you can’t knock shopping. Waiting for God? Bless him. And bless you. You really should have your own blog…
I only really get that feeling in bookshops. Clothing stores for me are get in, find reasonably priced item that is not too embarrasingly trendy, get out.
Smiling at the “… not to embarrasingly trendy…”
I thrive on retail therapy, and I aim to use it much like your mother for as long as I can! So glad to hear that your mom is getting some spring back in her step, Kelly.
Thanks Dana. It’s a slow recovery but she’s beginning to mend!
This. Is. Fabulous! As fabulous as your mom (and you) are – I can just tell :).
I relate. Shopping lifts my spirits too – and I’m not really a “shopper-type.” But for some reason it does feel all kinds of good and highly therapeutic to purchase when my mood is low.
Love love your mom’s outlook on well everything: that her doc says she won’t be back to normal till Christmas, and she’s kinda outraged :). That life’s too short for brown and beige. And purple – best color ever!
Wishing her well always. She is a lucky lady to have such a wonderful daughter.
Thanks so much Nicki! She phoned yesterday to say she believes the fall on the left side of her head damaged the creativity section of her brain and that’s why it’s taking so long to mend. She’s a clever girl!
I definitely didn’t expect this! Your mom sounds amazing! I guess it’s not such a bad thing that she likes to go shopping. I love it, too, but I’m more of a bargain shopper now than I ever was. I enjoy getting lots more things than just clothes, too. I’m glad she’s back to her old self again. 🙂
Thanks Brittnei. She has a ways to go however at least she’s heading in the right direction.
Your mom is my hero, Kelly. There’s nothing like retail and dessert therapy to put one’s soul at ease. Seriously, though, after the week I’ve had I so completely relate to this post. My heart ached for your mom, who similarly to my babooshka and her sister, is used to being active, perhaps even the sense of being relied upon, but it sounds like her spirit is strong enough to compensate for the hopefully temporary physical set backs. What a wonderful, wonderful lady she is and what a loving post. Please tell her that someone she doesn’t know in Toronto is super impressed with her 🙂
I thought the same when I read your post Katia – your babooshka has been through the ringer as well. I am so sorry.I hope that her health improves too. I will pass on your kind words to Mom when we head off to the doctor tomorrow. Thank you.
You had several lines in there that made me laugh! And what a priceless picture of the gent at the mall checking out your mom. Va va voom! I know shopping always perks me up so I say keep shopping. And since she’s supposed to be resting/healing until Christmas, maybe you could start her shopping list now and tackle those Christmas gifts bit by bit so she can savor the experience and still get it done? Hugs to your mom!
Well she phoned me last week all aglow – “I’ve bought all the women their Christmas presents.” Yes, one shop, multiple purchases. Apparently we are all getting the same thing. So much for savouring the experience. However there are still the chaps to buy for. Maybe she can string that out. I’ll suggest it to her! Thanks Katy.
Awww..this is so sweet!
I am a fan of retail therapy as well…but I like my therapy online…
Oh man – if Mom discovers online shopping she’s in trouble. Serious trouble. “I’ll have one of those, six of those, twenty-seven of those …” Can you say generous? She’s thinking of getting a laptop – she’ll want to lose her credit cards if that happens…
Oh I don’t like hearing about her having a hard time or feeling down, but I absolutely love the bright spirit while shopping! Adorable. It’s so so true. Shopping is often the best sort of therapy. And babies, of course 🙂
I hope the temps start to drop soon, so she can enjoy her studio. It looks gorgeous.
Pissing with rain here today Aussa. YEAH! Finally. I’m popping in to take her to the doc tomorrow and will check out her easel. Apparently she’s been painting up a storm.
I love that pic of the guy checking out your mom! It’s fabulous. So great to turn heads at any age. 🙂
A note to Kelly’s mom: I love the view from your studio! My studio has a view out until green trees, but you have a view above them. Lovely! Would you, could you, possibly consider letting Kelly share your paintings with us here? Pretty please? I would love to see your artwork. Thanks for the inspiration — now I feel like picking up my brushes again myself.
Uh, that’s “into” green trees. I have no idea where “until” came from: the uncharted thesaurus of my mind?
Oh Harmony thank you. I’ll check with Mom!