The joy of having children spaced so close together (so months apart) is that you get to experience some delights two years in a row. Like campus move in day. With three of these moves now behind me I consider myself a vet. Before I forget them, let me offer up some observations on what to avoid and what to be aware of as your children sail off to the land of higher education.
With September nipping at the door, I do realize these cautionary top 10 college parent fails are a bit late. However, hopefully you can have a laugh at my and others’ expense be happy that you don’t recognize too much of yourself here. Or, if you are in the lucky situation of having no young children you can brace yourselves and prep for the future.
I should alert you to the fact that my perspective is skewed because both of my children chose to go to universities across the country. No Sunday dinners at home for them. However, many of the items in this top 10 can be applied to the close to home parent also.
Let’s launch in.
1) Inventory Purchases Heads Up
Obtain a bank loan.
First years are a black hole; a bottomless pit. Pillows, duvets, sheets, laptops, printers (latter so unnecessary so buy cheap; your child will be dumping it on a neighbour’s lawn in the dark of night next May if not sooner) hangers, suitcases, towels, shower caddies … the list is never ending. And what is that about the mini fridges? Why can’t they be left behind in the dorm room and used again? It’s mind-boggling waste. Perhaps buy second-hand? Good luck with that. Won’t happen. Has to be new.
Second years: extend the bank loan. Moving from the residence into a rental means purchasing big-ticket items such new beds, desks, chairs etc. Second hand items are available from graduating students. However, this is no longer an option for the long distant out of town student come August. The alum’s goods have been snapped up in May.
Third years and up: Like marriages, housemates break up. I’ve heard horror stories. Former pals stealing from each other, having spats over possession of the mayonnaise jars, arguments over sleeping arrangements etc. Your angel most likely will want to move in to a new abode, with new people. Hopefully they’ll make arrangements to do so and you won’t be involved.
2) Rent a Truck or Ensure You Have Access to Locked Parking
After several days of nonstop shopping for your darling little first year your car will be fuller than full. I had to shut our rental car door with a shove from my foot from the outside to ensure it shut tight on my passenger. By parking inside you avoid the 27 trips between your car and your hotel room, arms burdened with treasures you don’t want stolen overnight.
3) Parental Clothing
First years: Dress in whatever. You’ll be sweating buckets and no one is looking at you. You’re just the mule.
Second years: Dress nicely. Everywhere – on campus and off. Your coed will run into every one he/she ever met in the past year. You’ll find yourself in a constant state of introduction.
Any years: Never wear your alum jacket. Ever.
4) Parental Behaviour on Move In Day
First years: Let them organize the room key acquisition. Your job is to luggage sit.
First years: Resist the need for antiseptic wipes. Under no circumstances should you be swiping those puppies over anything. Especially in front of room-mate and their family. Or with the door open. Just don’t.
Second years: Never garden or pull weeds from in front of the ghetto (yes, it is called that) rental. If you think your loved one or their room mates will tend that sucker think again. Seriously.
5) Keep Your Mouth Shut
Second years and up: Say absolutely nothing about the hundreds of empties left over from the room-mate who lived there over the summer.
6) Don’t offer to return the empties
7) Under No Circumstances Ask “How Do You pronounce Jaegermeister?”
8) When and How to Say Goodbye
First years: everything removed from car? Attended the new parents meeting? Perfect. Say goodbye. In the room if no nonfamily members there. Otherwise in quietest, most private space possible. Then don’t worry. Frosh week will keep them so busy and exhausted there won’t be anytime for thoughts of you.
Second years: Make a clear date. Lunch 1:00 tomorrow. Otherwise you’ll never see them as they’re so busy catching up with their pals.
9) Let It Go
Big picture, people. Big picture. Forgot to buy Johnny a key chain? Forget it. He could care less and will buy what he needs later. As he needs it.
10) 4th years and Up.
Why are you even there? Hello.
But enough about my blathering on what I consider the top 10 college parent fails. I’m curious about you. How many did you commit? Have you any to add? Or did your own parents manage to create their own faux pas while they dropped you off at college? Or was the entire experience sheer bliss? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
32 Responses
Wow, what a year, and it begins again, Kelly, your blog’s just so wonderful
From afar, my sense of it is so sweet, keep up the great words
So nice of you to pop in and comment Nonie. Thank you. It is really zipping by,’eh? Soon I’ll be blathering about top 10 opening lines at the old folks home…
Absolutely brilliant. Oh, I can so picture you in the midst of these adventures. The antiseptic wipes!!!
Thanks J. The “wipes” incident was 2 years ago when I was “ordered” to sit on my daughter’s bed and not be a helicopter parent. So hard sitting there as the room mate’s mom blitzed about disinfecting every conceivable surface …
This is great Kelly, thanks for the good laugh ! Sounds like you are surviving another university start up without too much trauma. Remember, there is always wine !!
Oh I’m remembering Jane! Caught up with some friends for dinner last night and they shared a doozy or two about their experiences. They’ve got 4 kids. I “published” too soon!
Thank heaven you three went to UBC. Enough trouble when I had to fly from Vancouver to Kingston to visit daughter in her first week as she had been bedded next to the penitentary miles from campus….and wanted to return home immediately. Session with the Dean of Women who had to be reminded that “new students coming from the fathest outposts had to be housed securely, surely?” Nothing available. Then frantically arranging five courses at UBC for a late-entering student. Whew! Thank heaven that I taught there and had a little pull. Beginning of grey hairs.
Now THAT was most assuredly not a college parent fail. Good on you!
Oh – this was super fun for me to read and laugh at since I’m still a few years away from experiencing it. There is a part of me that is already semi-freaking out but a bigger part that is super happy I have boys and feel sure they won’t care about the cutesy stuff!!!
I think that you’re in luck. At least in my experience. My daughter was SO much more organized yet she needed so much more. My son flung things in a suitcase and was “done.” Mind you I was asked to mail out a few warmer clothes a wee bit later in the year …
Your post made me realize how good I’ve had it. Son #1 spent one year in a college dorm. We bought a lot of stuff, but from what I understand not NEAR as much as a girl would. The college forbid students to bring their own fridges; we had to rent a ‘micro-fridge’ combination from an authorized vendor. The subsequent years he stayed in apartments, but in his college town they came furnished.
Son #2 moved into the house of a friend who lived in his college town and skipped the dorm. Each summer he got a job in the area and never came home (except for short visits). When he got his own place with three other people they furnished it with parental cast-offs and Craigslist finds.
Son #3 skipped the traditional college experience altogether, although he moved out of our house into an apartment with a friend soon after he got a full-time job to support himself.
That’s how it should be! Thank you. I suspect girls make things a wee bit more complicated with the amount of things they’d like for their comfort but still. My sob didn’t have to buy a mini fridge but that’s because he lucked out on getting a renovated hotel for his first year in residence. It’s was quite palatial! So very different from his sister’s. Thankfully she was first so our expectations were low. Had it been the other way around …
Ha ha ha…Jagermeister!
My friend just dropped her 2nd off at college…or as she liked to call it “his 4-year all expenses paid vacation”! 🙂
So great. I love that comment and suspect I may soon be guilty of borrowing it …
My dear college friend and I took our children to our alma mater while they were in high school and in the throes of the college search. These kids had been to our school dozens of times for football games but this was a more “official visit”. We sat in the auditorium with other prospective students and their parents listening to the presentation by the admissions staff and some current students. My friend and I kept whispering to each other pointing out all the “mistakes” the speakers made and discussing the truth of the campus life we knew and loved decades earlier. We fancied ourselves to be the experts! Finally our exasperated children told us to knock it off. An epic parental fail (before they were even enrolled in college) that we still hear about today.
No this is classic stuff! Thank you. May I include it in next year’s top ten?
Of course!
Thanks Mo! There are so many stories yet to tell …
I laughed at the one about antiseptic wipes. When I lived in independence training (I was at college but due to my disabilities didn’t live on my own yet), my mother would often come to my apartment and whenever she did, would start by cleaning up. This is while I had scheduled days to clean up and wasn’t too bad with keeping up with them – for a young adult. Thankfully no roommates for me. I want to say my parents didn’t commit many of these mistakes. In fact they were hardly there except to transport my stuff.
You are blessed Astrid with wonderful parents I am thinking. Some of the things I’ve observed in the past week really aren’t suitable for my blog – we adults can be quite unfortunate at times! However, those antiseptic wipes still make me smile too! Thanks for sharing this on twitter – I really appreciate that.
Oh, what fun! I would love to chat with you on FB about where your kids are – I just dropped off two in the same place for the first time together. I skipped most of this by having an early move-in…highly recommend it!
Ok sounds good! I’ll drop you a line of FB soon. Fun!
So enjoyed this! My oldest of 4 is 14. I’m already thinking how crazy it will all be and expensive. Thanks for the heads up!
Kathy
Oh you’re welcome! It is a fun time and one I wouldn’t change for the world. Truly.
I thoroughly enjoyed this post, Kelly! I can’t say I can picture doing this with my daughter yet, but I remember my own parents delivering me to college with fondness. My mom and dad helping me unpack everything I brought was so heartwarming. I will remember all these tips though so I don’t embarrass my daughter on the kindergarten playground or anytime between now and college. 🙂
Ha! I suspect she’ll steer you well clear of embarassing her Naomi!
Clearly you are a master! You had me wiping my eyes with laughter tears, but please know I made sure I didn’t use those antiseptic wipes. 🙂
Love this comment Deborah! Glad you didn’t use the antiseptic wipes. Reminds me of my daughter – you know that essential mint oil she got at the end of her run? Well some of it got into her eyes. Yes indeed that stung. She’s fine and will never, ever, allow it to happen again.
My Dad had a pickup from the early 1960s (this was in 1979) so getting everything in wasn’t a real issue (and I traveled very light in those days.) Biggest item was my bicycle. I could have used a lot more money, but it just wasn’t available. Heck, with four guys in one room in the dorm, there was no room for a lot of personal stuff. (So when I got to basic training in the Air Force, I didn’t feel nearly as deprived as some fellows.)
My folks have never been very demonstrative, so a quick hug from Mom and a handshake from Dad was about the extent of the farewells.
Four guys in one room? Wow. That’s quite a number. My daughter has a bike that she carted back and forth this summer. Fortunately she put it to good use so it was worth it for her. Nice that both your folks could go with you on the campus drop off run. We met quite a few women whose husbands were “on the golf course…”
Man, I dread the college years. Mine are hitting middle school age and then of course I have a few young ones. I have a hard time grasping the idea that they will actually be old enough for college at some point.
Oh Nicole, exactly! I remember feeling like that. As for me – well I look in the mirror and think how’d I get here?