You might have noticed I’ve been a wee bit quiet here of late. Thank you if so. Since my last blog post blast about our car window being smashed and my cell phone snatched I’ve been laid low with a summer cold.
It’s the kind of summer cold that zaps the energy and bestows an endlessly running nose and a razor-sharp sore throat. It’s the kind of cold whose very existence we’d normally keep from my mom.
For as long as I can remember my dear mom has had an abhorrence of colds. I’m not quite sure why. Perhaps it’s because her symptoms always somehow manage to be at least 20 times worse than the rest of us.
Of course when we were little my two siblings and I would get colds all the time. It must have been hell for Mom. My earliest memories are shadowy wisps with her standing in the kitchen, hands on her hips, hissing.
“Don’t even think of putting that in the garbage. Flush it this instant!”
“It” being the ropy twists of toilet paper we’d invariably carry around in our pockets when we were ill. Kleenex (or “tissues” as my children insist on calling them) never surfaced in our home; most likely due to being deemed a “foolish consumerism product” by my father. Of course our mother just knew those vile germs floated out of the trash for the sole purpose of directly honing in on her. Yes, if the offending paper wasn’t immediately flushed and forgotten down the nearest toilet she’d inevitably get properly sick.
While there are several choice family memories of our mother personally struggling with a cold there is one that rises above all the rest in terms of her symptoms. It took place during one of her many summer trips to South America. A professor in the Fine Arts Department at the University of British Columbia she routinely led groups of students down there for further study. My sister and I joined her on one such trip.
While the majority of the group fell ill with colds early on Mom saved her opportunity until we were floating on a remote island constructed of reeds in the middle of Lake Titicaca. Due to space issues at the teensy hotel my sister and I were forced blessed to share her tiny room. She retired to bed early that night and ordered advised us to do the same.
“You’ve bo idea how drebful I feel. If you come in late you’ll wake be up. So beez go to sleep dis instant.”
Her bed mate? An ominously large roll of toilet paper.
We never once asked how she felt that night. To do so would unleash a torrent of unnecessary descriptive colour. It was a broken night of sleep. In addition to the blinding sunlight flooding our room ( it was initially not yet sunset) her copious sneezes, always loud at the best of times, positively rocked our floating world. A series of raspy guttural coughs followed suit. But the absolute highlight? The never-ending blowing of the nose; a veritable symphony summoning extraordinary images of parades of trumpeting elephants competing against hordes of angry bees. All told we must have enjoyed a good two hours of sleep. If that.
A lone rooster’s incessant crowing awoke my sister and me at dawn. Oh god. Cold woman’s bed was empty. Where was she? Surely not seeking medical help? After dragging our weary, concerned bodies out of bed we were astonished to find her in the dining hall, perkily rousing the rest of the troops, ensuring each had a restorative cup of coffee and a crunchy piece of toast. None of them were even remotely aware that their prof’s reed constructed bedroom floor was strewn with hundreds of crunched up balls of snotty, discarded toilet paper.
“Morning sleepheads! You slept well. So did I! My cold must have been very mild. It’s gone!”
Unbelievable.
The cold saga didn’t end there. A few decades later, in her 80’s, Mom developed a rather remarkable ability. The acquisition of a cold OVER THE PHONE. All it took was the revelation that someone in the family was suffering cold symptoms and healthy Mom’s throat would thicken. By the end of the call she’d be complaining of an inordinate need to both sneeze and cough. As a result family members wisely refrained from enlightening her to any illnesses. What she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.
Or so we thought.
Two years ago, my children and I all returned home from a trip to Montreal suffering from strep throat. I knew my initial call with my mother would have to be brief. Only once the meds had kicked in and my voice recovered did I call her for a lengthier chat.
Her first words?
“Kelly. What is wrong and who is ill? Tell me NOW. I’ve been worried sick.”
The Secret We No Longer Keep From Mom
To this day, her 91-year-old radar engages at the slightest hint of a cough, a mere swipe of a nose or, god forbid, a squeak of a sneeze. No matter. If we’re sick we confess it. It’s not worth the stress – hers or ours.
But rest assured Mom. This post is proof that I’m feeling a whole lot better and will be over to see you soon!
Enough about me and the secret we no longer keep from Mom. I’m curious about you. Have you had a summer cold yet? Did you have to keep it secret or could you tell the world? Is there another type of secret that you keep in your family? Yes, if you’d care to, please pass the kleenex and share. I’d love to hear.
30 Responses
Oh, Kelly! I hope you really ARE feeling better and not just sugarcoating it for your mom. Colds are awful. I hate when you wake up with that little tickle in your throat that you just know is going to turn into a full blown cold – no turning back. I’ve never found any of the products that supposedly shorten the duration to work for me. All that works is just what you’ve been doing…ride out the storm, rest, and take care of yourself. Feel better!
Achoo! Whad? NO, just kidding. Am feeling ever so much better Mo. Thank you. My daughter fired numerous concoctions at me for several days straight and I do believe they may have swayed in my favour. Lemon/ginger/tumeric/beet numbers. Should you get one of those horrid tickles in the back of your throat give me a shout and I’ll give you more details! Got all crossables crossed in the hopes that we won’t need ’em though. Here’s to a healthy Summer for us all.
Fortunately, a couple of years ago when I made an effort to improve my diet it had a nice side effect of strengthening my immune system; I’ve only had one or two colds. But they’ve been doozies. Glad to hear you’re on the road to recovery.
Same here Kathy! I haven’t had a cold in … since I can’t remember. And so this one was a doozie. Thank you – I am feeling ever so much better. Unfortunately my son is now down for the count …
Poor you Kelly – colds are no fun , especially the summer variety!! Feeling yucky, and the weather is nice. Not fair, not fair at all. Glad you are on the mend though.
Trying to hide illness from your Mom, is almost as difficult convincing a man that he just has a cold. Man colds, as has been explained to me, is a cold that no other human can surely have ever experienced. Although your Moms ability to catch a cold over the phone maybe right up there !!
Be well !! Achooo! Oh no not a blog cold
Hahaha! Those man colds are very special indeed Janice. Speaking of which – H has it now…
What is with the nasty Summer cold. It somehow seems worse than any other cold throughout the year. Do hope you are feeling better.
Thanks Karen! Yep – am feeling ever so much better. At least you won’t get it for awhile. I can’t believe it is almost the longest day of the year for us “up here.” How did that happen?
So glad you are on the mend Kelly, those summer cold are miserable ! Hope your son bounces back quickly ! I completely understand about keeping illnesses from our mothers !!
Thanks Jane. May you not be visited by this bug. It is nasty. Mom commented privately that I neglected to share how she asks every stranger with whom she’ll be sharing air “Do you have a cold?”
Bwahahahahahahaha! Oh, I just love that your mom can even get a cold over the phone! SO cute!! My father in law once swore that one of my kids gave him a cold over the phone.
I am so sorry you’ve been laid low by a summer cold. I think they are the WORST. Yes, it’s horrible to be felled by a cold in the winter, but that just goes with the territory. But the summer is a time for folly and beautiful weather. It’s just unfair to have a summer cold!!
Feel better…and for crying out loud don’t even THINK of putting your tissues in the trash can. Flush them immediately for the good of all of us! 🙂 –Lisa
Yes – you see? Wise man your father in law. No worries on the tissues front. It’s EMBLAZONED on my very core to flush. Yes Mom. Always flush.
Oh Kelly, Kelly, Kelly….You have been robbed of a good “Cold-brood-session” and that my dear is a crime! For it’s every woman’s right to have a Snow White Marathon during the flu season with nothing short of a 5-dwarf all star cast!! You know…those pesky lil’ aches, pains and the perfect description to what one endures when going thru the common cold! Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc (always a must to see) & Dopey…the feeling one gets after catching these contagious Gremlins!! Now you do yourself a favor and hit the internet; your next assignment a good venting post on how YOU feel when sick and we’ll all listen and comfort you!!! Including: The ropy twists of toilet paper; A series of raspy guttural coughs; the never-ending blowing of the nose; a parade of trumpeting elephants competing against hordes of angry bees. (Absolutely luv this btw~ which is why I had to quote you back!!! Best writers description of a cold eva!!) And lastly, growing up on a farm, boy could I relate to the Pièce de résistance; And so, for you dear, a stoning of the Rooster, with Alice in Chains serenading you!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRA3pyb1WvI All kidding aside, I told my daughter, Inion, only could a writer, write about a cold and make it that freaking flavorful to where the reader could absolutely see the story in their minds!!! Thanks for stopping by Two Voices….One Thought and we will most definitely be regulars on your lovely blog!!
How good of you to include the Stoning of the Rooster link. As I type I am being properly seranaded. Thank you for your lovely comments too. As my late grandfather would have said “it was indeed uncommonly kind of you.” Smiling here at the Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc & Dopey references – and yes – all five popped in for a visit. Doc took the form of my daughter who at every opportunity fired the most extraordinary concoctions at me to drink. I shan’t be able to look at another raw beet for at least another month I suspect. Nor Tumeric. However, they did do the trick and I am feeling ever so much better in seven days rather than the usual week …
Ugh – I think summer colds are the worst!! Maybe it’s the heat added in.
But, I’m curious about the night your mom had a cold – she didn’t have to flush her snotty tissue?!
Laughed Out Loud at the flushing of the snotty tissue query.SO funny Kim. And yes – summer colds are the worst. Should you get one – just sing out. I’ll give you my daughter’s recipe for quick, sure fired cold cure. Can you say ginger, raw beets, strawberries, bananas, tumeric, mint, cilantro …?
If I don’t tell my mom about every illness my family has, I never hear the end of it. I don’t want her to worry, so I don’t always fill her in. And then I’m not telling her important things and I catch an earful. I just can’t win. Feel better soon!
Oh moms are funny aren’t they? I wonder if I’ll be the same. Do you?
I haven’t been around much either but haven’t been sick (knock on wood and I feel a tightness in my chest oh my). I can’t believe your mom has that type of radar! That’s amazing and awesome and a little creepy. Hope you’re feeling much better!!
Thanks Kristi – I am indeed feeling much better thank you. Knocking on wood, knocking on wood.
My colds tend to be quick in the summer–a day or two of citrus juice and they are done–but for many years I have not told my mother about my 48-hour bouts with “the bug” where I get sick as a dog over the weekend-then am just fine Monday morning in time to go back to work. So annoying on the timing.
Oh I do hope your weekends improve. That is most annoying.
Too cute! I’m sure it wasn’t growing up but what a great story. Never worth hiding the truth 🙂
Love the “never worth hiding the truth.” So very true Michele.
Feel better! I call it Kleenex, too. I haven’t had a summer cold…knock on wood. Knock on wood! In fact, my immune system is pretty jacked up after working in childcare for 2+ years. That’s because I was constantly sick then and I think I became super-immune after that. Knock on wood!
Another Kleenex gal! Yes! My daughter is constantly sick through the summer and teaching littlies to swim. I’ll let her know there’s hope for her immune system! Knock on wood, knock on wood.
Kelly, hope you’re feeling better:) Love the stories about your Mom, thanks for sharing.
I am ever so much better Nancy. Thank you!
Oh Kelly, your mom is amazing! We never had Kleenex in our house when I was growing up, either. We were definitely of the toilet-paper school of nose-blowing. BTW, my first essay ever (that was not written under duress) was an examination of sneezes — particularly those of the elephantine variety.
Oh Harnony you make me smile. Your first essay not written under duress was an examination of sneezes? Of the elephantine variety in particular? Oh my. Bless you!