It seems only fair that I reveal an embarrassing just typikel scenario with you today. Lately I’ve been sharing less than stellar moments of my relatives and my son in particular might like me to stop so I’m deliberately shining the spotlight on me and that time I completely messed up a cat sitting job.
Yes, you might not want to ask me to look after your cats while you go away. I’m fine with your dogs because they can live with us but your cats will probably want to stay at your home (cats in the cradle kind of thing) and that’s where we’ll run into trouble.
Cats In The Cradle
My friend was very clear with the alarm instructions.
“It’s simple. Just punch in the alarm number and press the stay button when you enter and the away button when you leave.”
We have an alarm which has an interesting history. This one was a bit different but it wasn’t my first experience with this particular alarm key pad. We’d looked after the cat the previous summer for a few days and everything went like clock work. I should have paid a bit more attention this time around.
Our assignment during their four-day trip was simple. Pop into the house and make sure that the cat had enough food and water. If time allowed, it would be grand if we could socialize a bit with the cat too. Perfect. Easy Peasey.
Day one was just like last time. We popped in on our way home from early morning swim practice. Hades didn’t greet us at the door but we knew where he’d be. Wedged under daughter #1’s bed. My son shot upstairs to confirm that while his sister and I padded into the kitchen to restock the food dish and refill the water bowl.
We were soon joined by my lad with his happy confirmation. “Yup he’s there Mom. His tail switched and he lazer beamed me with his eyes. He’s cool.”
Because my two were dripping sporadic chlorinated drops on their carpet we weren’t able to linger. No problem. Hades didn’t seen to mind the short visit.
Day two was a solo pop in as both my kids were busy. Hades deigned to greet me with a welcoming meow from the top of the stairs; he was up for a bit of social interaction. We sat together for a few minutes and then he followed me into the kitchen to watch the food and water prep. All was as it should be. I did exactly the same thing as the day before. With one exception. I forgot my keys on the kitchen table so I had to arm the alarm twice.
Twelve hours later we got a rather odd phone call from a friend of Hades’ family. She asked if I knew where they were. When I explained that they were coming back in two days she hung up. That was it. I thought nothing further of it until the next morning when another pal called.
“Kelly do you have a key to their house? Their alarm has been going off for the past 24 hours and the neighbours are fit to be tied. They want it off. Now.”
No. It had been ringing since I left? Yesterday? How annoying for the poor neighbours. It wasn’t hooked up to any police station or alarm company. Only someone with a house key could turn it off. I broke all land speed records getting there; the clanging could be heard from a good two blocks away. Inside it was deafening. My fingers flew over the keypad and within seconds mercifully all was quiet.
Just as I turned to head up the stairs my eyes were startled by a flash of black and white. Hades. He must have been pole-axed with fright. Poor wee soul. He streaked down the last few stairs and leaped at my chest. His claws dug into my right shoulder and all four paws snagged on the front of my t-shirt.
“DING-DONG. DING-DONG.” S**T someone was at the door. I had to answer it or a bound-to-not-have-slept-a-wink-neighbour would call the police. I could imagine the conversation to 911.
“The alarm is finally off but there’s a car out front and nobody’s answering the door. They’ve probably come back to steal more stuff.”
As I reached for the doorknob Hades unlatched his hold and bolted back upstairs. Tommy who lived two doors up and a man I’ve met but once at a karaoke night was standing on the stoop, his right hand raised to knock. Time stopped. His eyes shot from my face to my chest. Oh god no. It was bad enough that I’d kept the entire neighbourhood awake through the night. I couldn’t bear to know what he was looking at. I couldn’t move.
Summoning my strength of will and drawing on the wise advice of Julie Andrews in The Princess Diaries “to blaze on through” I willed him to look me in the eye. He didn’t. He couldn’t. His eyes stayed fixated on my chest area. I launched into clipped Kelly-in-an-emergency mode. Yes. Once again I lost my verbs.
“Tommy! So very sorry. All my fault. Wrong so alarm loud. Horrid. Never again. Ever.”
With steely determination he finally managed to drag his attention away from my mysterious delights to a small alarm booklet clutched in his left hand.
“Uh. So you don’t need this? They have the same alarm as me. I just didn’t have a key or I would have turned it off first thing yesterday morning!”
He finally left but not before stealing a few more peeks for good measure. I looked after both the feline food and water issues and then still not allowing my eyes to dip lower than the horizon I very carefully keyed in the alarm number and the away button. Hades had returned to his spot under the bed. Hell was over for him but not for me.
“Jesus Mom. What the hell happened to you? You’re flashing for all the world to see!”
Uh. Lovely. Hades shredded the right side of my favourite t-shirt. My entire right side was exposed. The two deep scratches on my shoulder were paltry when compared to the searing number over my right breast. My light pink bra complimented the dried beads of blood quite nicely.
No worries Hades. I deserved that and more.
Enough about me and my cats in the cradle flashing. I’m curious about you. Have you ever exposed yourself to random neighbours? Have you ever been so embarrassed you’re paralytic? Better yet, are you available for cat sitting? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.
16 Responses
Love it, love it, love it. Boob flashing has never been my thing, but never say never.
Exactly Karen. NEVER say never. That morning I certainly had no idea what I’d be “exposed to” later on in the day let me tell you!
Too funny Kelly ! You have painted a vivid picture in my mind of the poor cat clinging to you !
Oh jane it was really painful and when that doorbell rang right then it was torture. You should have seen M’s face when she saw me. Oh my. Thank the lord we didn’t have a camera on hand …
Sounds like would not want to take care of someone else’s cats either. Ouch!
Hahaha! Ouch.
I am cracking up!! I mean seriously, this is SO FUNNY!! Those poor neighbors…but you know you totally made that man’s whole day! :)-Ashley
Oh Ashley if you’ve could have seen his face. He’s very shy and I could see that he was absolutely unable to keep from looking. The ENTIRE time.
that was funny! The entire story is funny – down to a cat named Hades.
Thank Vickie. Not quite so funny as it was happening but now I’m able to see the humour. Oh boy. Just so me.
Oh, that’s a good one. Leave it to a cat – they WILL get their revenge. 🙂
So very true Linda. I found out the hard way.
Alarms….I have dealt with them many times over the years. I was given many an instruction and keys to homes when I was in the biz of window treatments and murals. Guess I have that trusting look to my face. Good thing. One day I entered a home with key to go about the business of hanging a window treatment. Yes…there was an alarm, but they always left it off when they knew I was coming. Yes…I had called earlier in the week. I think I had been in the house for about 5 minutes when the thing starting blaring and soon after the phone ringing. It was the alarm company….I explained….they asked for a password….I explained again….they said they would call the owners to verify. Meanwhile that damn alarm is still blaring…..but then suddenly shuts off. Great….I’m thinking….must of spoke with the owners. I took a step away from the phone and ALARM is blaring once again. Oh…did I mention they have two cats…both of whom have made a mad dash to hide in the basement. Phone rings again…no they have not been able to reach the owners and when they called the back up folks (you know, the ones you leave the password with when you are going to be outta town)…apparently they forgot to give them the password. Alarm company is sorry but we had to call the police. Yeah, guess who is knocking at the door 20 minutes later….”Lucy…you have some ss-planing to do!” Fortunately…the policeman believed me….unfortunately the Alarm co still did not shut off the alarm. Found out it was motion activated so it would continue to go on and off. Poor Cats…nothing I could do for them. At least they had periods of quiet after I left…until they moved and set it off again. I can only imagine how ‘fried’ they were when “mom and dad” came home. I got a call the next day from the owners….they forgot I was coming….they forgot they hadn’t given the password to their back up people…they were so sorry the police were called….and YES….the cats…well the cats would eventually be fine. ME…I recovered….I did get paid for my work…and I learned to call folks the day before as a ‘gentle’ reminder that I was coming…..
Ohhhhhhhh Debbie. Thank you for this lovely confession. I do feel better! What a time you must have had. Yikes. All calm and you think the worst is over and then BAAM off it goes again! Those poor cats.
Kelly, I think your public flashing experience more than makes up for the alarm. At least for Tommy. Perhaps, to him, you were a good neighbor indeed.
Hahahaha! Huge grin on my face that’s for sure Harmony. Oh if you could meet shy Tommy you’d be smiling too. Funny. Yes, perhaps I was a good neighbour indeed.